And so goes everyone to the world but I, and I am sunburnt.

[rinue]

Yesterday, I was struck with the sudden realization that I am an intensely private person. It came as something of a shock to me, although I imagine it doesn't particularly to anyone else; I've always imagined I am open and relatively easy to get to know, at least on a superficial level.

Not So.

Although I am sociable, I very rarely talk about myself or what is going on in my life and tend instead to turn the conversation to the other person. I prefer either to dress in a very low-profile way or to hide behind a persona, (hence the great love of costuming). Although I never hide from cameras, people feel voyeuristic when looking at photos of me -- even I do, and I'm the one in them. There's often the sense that the photographer has captured a personal moment, whether happy or sad, even if I'm posing, (which almost never happens). People have told me before that I'm something of an enigma -- people I've dated, people I've known for ten years -- but I've never believed them before.

You can understand how I might have thought I wasn't -- I'm a performer, I don't shy from new experiences, I tend to stand out in a crowd, I'm outspoken. . . I'll answer any question adressed to me, and honestly. I keep a public online journal for chrissakes.

I feel terribly fragile.

Comments

[katiebec.livejournal.com]

Can I throw your SOLIDARITY!!! back at you? Except for the photos...yes. I try not to evade direct questions, but in a conversation I work really hard to be the joking listener and keep the focus on the other person. This might be partly because I feel I have nothing interesting to say, and partly because I know most people love talking about themselves and thus will love talking to me, but also because I don't want to voluntarily reveal too much. My favorite conversations, the ones I remember long after they're over, rarely have anything to do with the personal lives of either of the people talking, and are more about random witticisms and theories and factiods and earnest discussions about trivial things.