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rinueYesterday, I was struck with the sudden realization that I am an intensely private person. It came as something of a shock to me, although I imagine it doesn't particularly to anyone else; I've always imagined I am open and relatively easy to get to know, at least on a superficial level.
Not So.
Although I am sociable, I very rarely talk about myself or what is going on in my life and tend instead to turn the conversation to the other person. I prefer either to dress in a very low-profile way or to hide behind a persona, (hence the great love of costuming). Although I never hide from cameras, people feel voyeuristic when looking at photos of me -- even I do, and I'm the one in them. There's often the sense that the photographer has captured a personal moment, whether happy or sad, even if I'm posing, (which almost never happens). People have told me before that I'm something of an enigma -- people I've dated, people I've known for ten years -- but I've never believed them before.
You can understand how I might have thought I wasn't -- I'm a performer, I don't shy from new experiences, I tend to stand out in a crowd, I'm outspoken. . . I'll answer any question adressed to me, and honestly. I keep a public online journal for chrissakes.
I feel terribly fragile.
Not So.
Although I am sociable, I very rarely talk about myself or what is going on in my life and tend instead to turn the conversation to the other person. I prefer either to dress in a very low-profile way or to hide behind a persona, (hence the great love of costuming). Although I never hide from cameras, people feel voyeuristic when looking at photos of me -- even I do, and I'm the one in them. There's often the sense that the photographer has captured a personal moment, whether happy or sad, even if I'm posing, (which almost never happens). People have told me before that I'm something of an enigma -- people I've dated, people I've known for ten years -- but I've never believed them before.
You can understand how I might have thought I wasn't -- I'm a performer, I don't shy from new experiences, I tend to stand out in a crowd, I'm outspoken. . . I'll answer any question adressed to me, and honestly. I keep a public online journal for chrissakes.
I feel terribly fragile.
