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rinueI make films because I'm uncommonly good at it and think it's a valuable use of time; I do not particularly enjoy the process or find it makes me happy, even though the film community is largely more accepting of my particular personality tics than other professional fields might be. (I'm not even really an outlier.) This puts me in the company of a long list of directors, notably including Kubrick and Hitchcock. It is possibly more common among successful "name" directors to feel the way I do than otherwise.
The film is nearly finished and looking very good; I think it is likely to do well. This gives me no notable pleasure, although it spares me from being angry. I'm fairly depressed and weighing whether I want to become an air traffic controller instead of a filmmaker, since this is also a job to which I'm constitutionally well suited and which contributes to the wellbeing of society. I don't think I would find it especially satisfying, which maybe defeats the point. But perhaps it would be a way of not feeling like this again. This I don't like at all. It would maybe be worth a smaller life to not feel this. It is hard to pick a next step when you have no purpose.
The film is nearly finished and looking very good; I think it is likely to do well. This gives me no notable pleasure, although it spares me from being angry. I'm fairly depressed and weighing whether I want to become an air traffic controller instead of a filmmaker, since this is also a job to which I'm constitutionally well suited and which contributes to the wellbeing of society. I don't think I would find it especially satisfying, which maybe defeats the point. But perhaps it would be a way of not feeling like this again. This I don't like at all. It would maybe be worth a smaller life to not feel this. It is hard to pick a next step when you have no purpose.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-07-08 12:12 am (UTC)I do enjoy teaching - I like being able to mentor people in film and I also like being able to show non-filmmakers things they haven't seen and then to discuss them, either just to talk about the stories we've just seen or the way they're put together or the nature of art at large. And my portfolio gives me access to that and generally gives me credibility.
In general, it is nice to see people when they are happy, and in my experience people are happy when they are learning things.