Flux Time

Much has happened in the past few days:

1. Uncle Rex and Stretch got married. We celebrated and ate sno cones, partially out of relief that Scarlett (my cousin) managed to get there on time (which is incredibly rare).

2. Raine abrubtly decided to leave her boyfriend and her school and travel all the way across the country. She does not know what she will do, and has failed to tell me what happened. For reasons beyond my comprehension, she is trying to involve me.

3. Valancy's father went in for a doctor's appointment because he was in a lot of pain and having trouble sleeping. He found out that either he'll be well within the week or he'll die in about six weeks. They're running the tests now.

4. I run a very high risk of going insane. I am holding off for the moment, because I think it's self centered. But the dam will break, it's just a question of when.

5. At present, I'm planning on fleeing the continent, if not the hemisphere, preferably to someplace with jungles and very few people. Ideally, they will speak some French or some English there.

Track Star

I have thankfully calmed down a bit, and am no longer desperate to leave the US. Well, it's possible that I'll join the Peace Corps, but that won't come into play for at least another year, and it's mostly a fallback.

I'm afraid I've just hit that developmental stage wherein one suddenly becomes desperate to make one's mark in the world. This is the time when people have children, or abruptly join the army. (I considered the French Foreign Legion, but Valancy was very opposed and I'm not entirely certain that they exist anymore.) Piaget would be quite amused.

Outrunning it hasn't worked. So I'll try being productive and obsessed. I just haven't decided what to be obsessed with. Mom suggests I pick at random; if I'm still unhappy, I can just pick again.

Part of the problem is that I really need a vacation. Everyone thinks I'm joking when I say this, and insists that I *have* been on vacation -- for two months, in fact. But I *haven't*. I've been *visiting* people, which is thoroughly different. Vacation involves me being entirely self-centered, probably nocturnal, and probably with a bottle of tequila.

People become very hostile when I want a vacation, even if it's just for an evening. Gods don't get to take time off. (Although supposedly God gets the seventh day to rest; it saddens me that nobody respects this.)

(The sentence implying that I am a god sounds exceptionally arrogant, so I feel the need to explain that it's their term and not mine. For the sake of argument, I'm willing to agree with them, because my family is quite like the Pantheon. The problem arises when they want me to be a Christian god rather than a Greek one. Zeus, you will note, (Zeus being more like my Uncle Rex,) is the king of the gods, and yet he is entirely fallible and rather capricious. Christian God has to be noble and loving and retiring all the time (which again I say is NOT FAIR. Jesus (badass) got angry at times. Jesus hung out with reprobates. Jesus said "hey, I need to go wander around in the desert." Everyone just conveniently forgets that part.))

I hate disappointing them, because it feels like breaking a promise -- a promise I would never be stupid enough to make, but a promise they heard nonetheless. In addition, since people tend to take their cues from me (again, not something I encourage,) I can't be mean to anyone -- if I am, then *everyone* is, and they generally don't deserve that.

I think a lot of the problem is that people mistake "polite" for "dependable."

I could go on ad infinitum, but this is rapidly dissolving into a whine-fest. I will state at this juncture that if you're reading this journal, chances are I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU, so don't try and get all apologetic.

::laughs:: and now I'm thinking of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.