Very Expensive for its Price

Things have a strange way of working themselves out.

I've been a wreck most of today due to the continuing saga of the speeding ticket. They continue to claim that they have no need to grant me trial by jury, something which I know is untrue. Thing is, I'm really too tired and too far away to fight them effectively. Of course, that's exactly what they're counting on. Most people would, at this point, just pay the damn ticket already.

However, I'm far too idealistic for my own good. So instead I became incredibly upset -- not for my own sake, you understand, but for the sake of the founding fathers, who I love as much as I love myself.

Perhaps I should explain the way in which I view time. I believe that everyone lives forever, that every moment exists eternally. Because we are three dimensional beings, we cannot perceive the fourth dimension as anything but a straight line (although we do not always travel at a constant speed along this line, which I say indicates that it curves and may *sometimes* bisect itself). A being with a higher dimensionality than ours would still be able to see what we view as the past, and to that being it would be just as present as the moment we perceive as "now."

As a result of this belief, I have no fear of death. On the other hand, I become incredibly saddened by what I see as betrayals of the people who have come before us -- people like John Adams and James Madison.

I'm rather bipolar when it comes to my view of the US. Half of the time, I'm very pro-America; I love the history and the ideas that went into the government's formation. The other half of the time, I become despondent over the apathy and the impossibility of change. Basically, I love the *idea* of America much more than I love the reality.

Normally, I combat this by reassuring myself that I'm doing all that I can be reasonably expected to do. I remind myself of the line in the Tao: "Do you wish to change the world? I say the world is already perfect." I look around me in my community and see the wonderful things that people are accomplishing and know that simply by existing, I'm changing the world on a grassroots level -- the most powerful level there is. If I can change the perception of one person simply by living my lifestyle, then that person will change the perception of others, and it will snowball. Things *are* getting better.

As if that wasn't enough, I write science fiction, and someday I intend to be a well-read author. This too, is a powerful force for change. It suggests the alternatives and warns of the dangers, all in a format so subtle that you don't realize you're being brainwashed. You sympathize with the main character because you've been told she's the main character, even though in real life you might reject her in one glance.

As stated, this is what I normally tell myself. But sometimes, times like today, I feel horrible. I lose hope, lose innocence, and become exceptionally cynical. I decide that I'm not doing nearly enough, and that the reason things are the way they are is that people like me are too lazy. That instead of becoming a hermit as I truly wish to do, I should be actively corrupting the minds of young people, preferably in an artistic setting.

Just after saying this (the end of a rant which had lasted for more than three hours), the telephone rang. It was Greg.

Greg: "Thank God you're back in town. Would you like to head a theater group for young people in a church setting? You can corrupt their minds and do pretty much whatever you want, as long as every third or fourth play has a religious theme."

Romie: "Sure, we could do some Arthur Miller."

Greg: "I love you. Also I'm about to buy a pool table."

Ahhhh, the Tao at work.