Track Star
Jul. 19th, 2001 08:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rinueI have thankfully calmed down a bit, and am no longer desperate to leave the US. Well, it's possible that I'll join the Peace Corps, but that won't come into play for at least another year, and it's mostly a fallback.
I'm afraid I've just hit that developmental stage wherein one suddenly becomes desperate to make one's mark in the world. This is the time when people have children, or abruptly join the army. (I considered the French Foreign Legion, but Valancy was very opposed and I'm not entirely certain that they exist anymore.) Piaget would be quite amused.
Outrunning it hasn't worked. So I'll try being productive and obsessed. I just haven't decided what to be obsessed with. Mom suggests I pick at random; if I'm still unhappy, I can just pick again.
Part of the problem is that I really need a vacation. Everyone thinks I'm joking when I say this, and insists that I *have* been on vacation -- for two months, in fact. But I *haven't*. I've been *visiting* people, which is thoroughly different. Vacation involves me being entirely self-centered, probably nocturnal, and probably with a bottle of tequila.
People become very hostile when I want a vacation, even if it's just for an evening. Gods don't get to take time off. (Although supposedly God gets the seventh day to rest; it saddens me that nobody respects this.)
(The sentence implying that I am a god sounds exceptionally arrogant, so I feel the need to explain that it's their term and not mine. For the sake of argument, I'm willing to agree with them, because my family is quite like the Pantheon. The problem arises when they want me to be a Christian god rather than a Greek one. Zeus, you will note, (Zeus being more like my Uncle Rex,) is the king of the gods, and yet he is entirely fallible and rather capricious. Christian God has to be noble and loving and retiring all the time (which again I say is NOT FAIR. Jesus (badass) got angry at times. Jesus hung out with reprobates. Jesus said "hey, I need to go wander around in the desert." Everyone just conveniently forgets that part.))
I hate disappointing them, because it feels like breaking a promise -- a promise I would never be stupid enough to make, but a promise they heard nonetheless. In addition, since people tend to take their cues from me (again, not something I encourage,) I can't be mean to anyone -- if I am, then *everyone* is, and they generally don't deserve that.
I think a lot of the problem is that people mistake "polite" for "dependable."
I could go on ad infinitum, but this is rapidly dissolving into a whine-fest. I will state at this juncture that if you're reading this journal, chances are I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU, so don't try and get all apologetic.
::laughs:: and now I'm thinking of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
I'm afraid I've just hit that developmental stage wherein one suddenly becomes desperate to make one's mark in the world. This is the time when people have children, or abruptly join the army. (I considered the French Foreign Legion, but Valancy was very opposed and I'm not entirely certain that they exist anymore.) Piaget would be quite amused.
Outrunning it hasn't worked. So I'll try being productive and obsessed. I just haven't decided what to be obsessed with. Mom suggests I pick at random; if I'm still unhappy, I can just pick again.
Part of the problem is that I really need a vacation. Everyone thinks I'm joking when I say this, and insists that I *have* been on vacation -- for two months, in fact. But I *haven't*. I've been *visiting* people, which is thoroughly different. Vacation involves me being entirely self-centered, probably nocturnal, and probably with a bottle of tequila.
People become very hostile when I want a vacation, even if it's just for an evening. Gods don't get to take time off. (Although supposedly God gets the seventh day to rest; it saddens me that nobody respects this.)
(The sentence implying that I am a god sounds exceptionally arrogant, so I feel the need to explain that it's their term and not mine. For the sake of argument, I'm willing to agree with them, because my family is quite like the Pantheon. The problem arises when they want me to be a Christian god rather than a Greek one. Zeus, you will note, (Zeus being more like my Uncle Rex,) is the king of the gods, and yet he is entirely fallible and rather capricious. Christian God has to be noble and loving and retiring all the time (which again I say is NOT FAIR. Jesus (badass) got angry at times. Jesus hung out with reprobates. Jesus said "hey, I need to go wander around in the desert." Everyone just conveniently forgets that part.))
I hate disappointing them, because it feels like breaking a promise -- a promise I would never be stupid enough to make, but a promise they heard nonetheless. In addition, since people tend to take their cues from me (again, not something I encourage,) I can't be mean to anyone -- if I am, then *everyone* is, and they generally don't deserve that.
I think a lot of the problem is that people mistake "polite" for "dependable."
I could go on ad infinitum, but this is rapidly dissolving into a whine-fest. I will state at this juncture that if you're reading this journal, chances are I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU, so don't try and get all apologetic.
::laughs:: and now I'm thinking of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
