rinue | Voyeur in my own life

Growing up as the relatively introverted one in an extended family of performers and maniacs, I sort of automatically fell into the role of documentarian and promoter. My come-on line has never been "you want to be with me" so much as "if you're with me, you'll get to witness the scintillating theatre that is my family." Once a guy (or girl) catches on to this, we stop going out to movies or concerts; we just wait around the house for inevitable hijinks.

I've never had any one great talent, or even a unique viewpoint. My major skill seems to be finding two obscure things in two unrelated disciplines and drawing a paralell that somehow solves an otherwise insurmountable problem. Resumes will always be a problem for me; it's never that I'm the most experienced applicant for the job, but that I'm the only one who knows both how to rewire a lightswitch and how to arrange Baroque figured bass -- which will inexplicably be totally neccessary when you're drying to pour concrete evenly.

I never wanted to be Jack Kerouac or Ken Kesey or Tom Wolfe; I wanted to be Neal Cassady. I want to be that sparkling individual people base characters on just to steal some of the magic for their books. I don't need to be David Bowie or Lou Reed or Iggy Pop . . . just Brian Eno, or even Brian Ferry. Jon Brion instead of Aimee Mann or Fiona Apple or Rufus Wainwright. Not neccessarily famous. Not neccessarily loved, or successful, or even understood. Just uncontrivedly irreplaceable, someone without whom things would be importantly different. Just more than a messenger and a set of eyes.