Do As You Mayo

[rinue]

Clearly, my life is facing a mayonnaise shortage, and I must figure out ways to increase my mayo-consumption from none to two cups every five days. Perhaps I could begin using mayonnaise as a spackle or finishing agent; perhaps even a sculpting material. It may make an excellent face mask, or an alternative fuel source.

I shall become the George Washington Carver of condiments, seeking out every possible use for the whitish substance. This will be my life's meaning, the torch that I carry for the next generation. A thousand years from now, as children pedal their mayonnaise-powered bicycles, they will think on me and shed mayonnaise-saturated tears. This is my cross to bear.

After all, what I really want is for my canned tuna not to be dry, such that I may make a tuna sandwich. Who can do such a thing without mayonnaise? Likewise, who would buy a jar of mayonnaise when she is about to leave town for a month and a half - and could not use the full jar in that time even were she home? Obviously, I have misunderstood something fundamental about mayonnaise consumption and reasonable serving sizes. But no longer will I look the fool. Watch for me in my new line of mayo-derived clothing.

Comments

[and-ham.livejournal.com]

interesting:

Mayonnaise Galore
Many unique mayonnaise combinations are to be found in Japan, several of which have been around for quite some time. In 1983 the convenience store chain Seven-Eleven Japan introduced an onigiri (rice ball, usually with a filling of some sort) with tuna mayonnaise inside, and in 1989 McDonald's Japan invented the Teriyaki McBurger, containing a patty dipped in a soy-sauce-based sauce and topped with vegetables and mayonnaise. Although the popularity of food offered at convenience stores and fast-food restaurants tends to pass quickly, both items continue to enjoy high sales.

In addition to tuna mayonnaise, rice balls sold today at convenience stores in Japan come with a wide range of mayonnaise-flavored fillings, such as shrimp with mayonnaise, cod roe with mayonnaise, chicken with mustard mayonnaise, and spicy pickles with mayonnaise. These rice balls are particularly favored by young Japanese, who find nothing unusual about combining mayonnaise with very Japanese ingredients like rice and soy sauce. Among the other foods popular with young people are mayonnaise-flavored snacks, including potato chips. The dressing has even become a common pizza topping.

Mayonnaise Kitchen is a restaurant in Hachioji, in the western outskirts of Tokyo, that uses mayonnaise in every dish it serves, as well as in some of its cocktails and desserts. Regular customers who want to add still more mayonnaise to the dishes can even buy a personal bottle of it and keep it at the restaurant until they finish it. Mayonnaise Kitchen opened two years ago, and it has been successful enough to start a second outlet in the nearby town of Tachikawa in April 2002.

[twiggymolly.livejournal.com]

Only You could entertain me with mayo! You are so clever!

Twiggymolly

[valancy.livejournal.com]

While wearing stylish cowboy mayonnaise laden hats?

[rinue.livejournal.com]

Yes. I will play mayonnaise-inspired songs on my guitar while riding my horse, Mayonnaise; hopefully this will not rile the coyotes overly.

-R

[thesleepingkat.livejournal.com]

I really just wanted to say I adore your icon, but have to add that I am cracking up the enthusiasm of this post.

[rhys-k.livejournal.com]

You know... I would love to let you use my brain as fodder for brainstorms... but really, when I start thinking about mayo derived products, I can't tear my one-track mind of certain images. I apologize for being male and therefore inherently stuck at 14.