Whereforeword
Jun. 5th, 2003 09:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rinueToday, I slept with Patrick. This is not in any way an unusual activity - in fact, it is the official pasttime of the Trick Household. Our rabid interest in sex has rendered other forms of entertainment obsolete, and may bode a complete collapse of the home electronics market. We might spend more time engaged in bed than most people do eating.
I doubt this is relevant to your life, unless you are Patrick. Bear with me.
Afterward, sprawled naked across the bed and unable to move my legs or form words, a very strange thought occured to me. Roughly translated, it was, "how can I possibly do anything after this? What is the follow up?"
I think I have spent much of my life trying not to be satisfied. On a certain level, it's just that I like to improve my surroundings. If I could make something better, why wouldn't I? Satisfaction nulls drive, and without drive, wherefore creation?
Here I am, lying in bed, more relaxed and happy than I've ever been. Here of all places, I stare in the face of my greatest fear. The thing about climbing a mountain is you look down from the top and think, "where do I go now?"
This may be why some people OD on drugs.
I'm not all that scared now, not really. I still have my work; I still have my teeth. Tomorrow, my life will go on in valiant struggle for all that is good and noble. But as for tonight . . . I'm completely ruined.
I doubt this is relevant to your life, unless you are Patrick. Bear with me.
Afterward, sprawled naked across the bed and unable to move my legs or form words, a very strange thought occured to me. Roughly translated, it was, "how can I possibly do anything after this? What is the follow up?"
I think I have spent much of my life trying not to be satisfied. On a certain level, it's just that I like to improve my surroundings. If I could make something better, why wouldn't I? Satisfaction nulls drive, and without drive, wherefore creation?
Here I am, lying in bed, more relaxed and happy than I've ever been. Here of all places, I stare in the face of my greatest fear. The thing about climbing a mountain is you look down from the top and think, "where do I go now?"
This may be why some people OD on drugs.
I'm not all that scared now, not really. I still have my work; I still have my teeth. Tomorrow, my life will go on in valiant struggle for all that is good and noble. But as for tonight . . . I'm completely ruined.
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birth control...
Date: 2003-06-12 10:09 pm (UTC)I have felt the fear of the summit... but I have also realized that after you fall off the other side there are three more foothills before you get to the mountain... and after the top of the mountain you have to learn how to fucking fly... (which may also be interesting)...