4th Round Buzzer
Apr. 4th, 2003 01:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rinueWhenever I use a public restroom, I am struck by the terrible fear that the door is merely jammed, not locked, and I will be stuck forever, waiting for no one.
I am firm in my belief that one can live time out of order, or at the very least that I can. As a result, I've been injecting bits of future lonliness into my days, taking it for minutes at a time so I don't have to string it out all at once. When possible, I drift off in the middles of conversations, because I try to coincide the lonliness with company and preferably food so as to offset the damage when I come back to now. You might think it would be less painful to miss someone sitting right across from you, but I find this is not the case; every blink is caught and stored with the intense companionship of those about to die. Even with the knowlege that you will meet again, there will always be that gulf of absense, and maybe one day in the far future you will be caught by the part of it you forgot to live.
I am firm in my belief that one can live time out of order, or at the very least that I can. As a result, I've been injecting bits of future lonliness into my days, taking it for minutes at a time so I don't have to string it out all at once. When possible, I drift off in the middles of conversations, because I try to coincide the lonliness with company and preferably food so as to offset the damage when I come back to now. You might think it would be less painful to miss someone sitting right across from you, but I find this is not the case; every blink is caught and stored with the intense companionship of those about to die. Even with the knowlege that you will meet again, there will always be that gulf of absense, and maybe one day in the far future you will be caught by the part of it you forgot to live.
