Knights for Hire

[rinue]

I managed to get smashingly, staggeringly fucked up last night in the "I can't feel my legs and furthermore I refuse to move from this bathroom and please let me pass out in the corner now" sense. While it was not my intention to do so, it is nevertheless something of an accomplishment. (I could say drunk or stoned instead of the more vulgar "fucked up," but I feel this minimizes the influence of the orange juice, which I believe was the deciding factor.)

I cite this as an accomplishment because, as I believe I have stated before, I don't get drunk. I just don't. I could blame this on body chemistry, or on the fact that I usually have to stay lucid to take care of other people. I could also attribute it to my mother's telling me before I could even walk that I come from a long line of madmen and therefore cannot rely on my perception of reality. (As a result, I am pathologically self-monitoring and notoriously contentious.)

In this case, however, I was in the exclusive company of Thomas and Valancy, the two people I trust most in the entire world to take care of me. These are also the two people who have always really wanted to see me completely helpless, something about which I have mixed feelings. (Their wanting, that is. Mostly, I am amused -- which seems to be my default for most situations.)

It is five in the evening, and I still have an epic hangover (although Vietnamese food went a long way toward remedying this).

I remember playing five card draw with the intent to always come in second (which is actually much harder than playing to win or lose). I did this mostly so that I could remain the dealer, because I enjoy shuffling cards to an extent that is difficult to explain. I like the shhhhing sound, I like the waxiness of the card stock, and I like the flutter of paper across my thumbs. I almost always carry a deck on me. Besides, the loser had to do a penalty chosen by the winner, and I wasn't keen on inhabiting either side of that equation (although at one point I did a fantastic job as a square dance barker).

I also recall winning at monopoly, (something at which I have a remarkable talent which is unfortunately not remotely marketable). Thomas bankrupted early in the game because he kept having to pay all his money to the government. To compensate, he came back as Godzilla, and whenever The Dread Lizard got doubles, he went on rampage and destroyed any propery on the relevant square.

The most humerous part of the evening in my estimation was Valancy's insistence that my loss of control was exceptionally precious and beautiful. In particular, she claimed that I looked very elegant whilst draped over the commode and dry heaving. I would give her the benefit of the doubt and say that she was just trying to console me (unneccessary), but she was remarkably devoid of sarcasm or fakery. This does not make her statements true in any sense, it just goes to show what a sentimental sap she is.

Comments

two unrelated, uninsightful, sleep-deprived comments

[orangekoi.livejournal.com]

1. the affinity for shuffling cards is totally understandable, I feel the same way. I've been yelled at on occasion for "over-shuffling," since I almost forget about the game, happily toying with the cards.
2. no game of monopoly is complete without a rampaging lizard/assorted natural disasters/plagues.

now to find a decent source of caffeine...

LOL

[(Anonymous)]

Hey you. I'm greatly amused by my apparent wittyness during your exceptional digestive dance last night, and wonder why I cannot recall this comment. It may have come about due to the fact that the one time I ever became ill from drinking (first time I ever really drank, clever me), Jenny told me that really, I did it almost elegantly, as I said "Excuse me; I believe I'm going to be ill," and then, holding my hair back ever so delicately, subsequently puked like a dog into the toilet. So it might have been an homage. And you really were quite beautiful last night, even with all our smashedness. love, Val