rinue | Stopgap Measures

I'm generally a pretty laid back person. Type B personality. Not only am I a natural slacker, but I cultivate a relaxed outlook. It's healthy, and it makes for a more pleasant life. Besides, I'm easygoing enough that I genuinely don't care about most situations -- I'm usually a mellow companion and a gracious loser.

You know things are getting bad when your professors order you to sit down for ten minutes, read the comics, and drink some juice -- this in the middle of an exam.

I can't even tell when I'm moving quickly anymore because my neurons are firing so fast. I suspect that I'm staring, that I'm talking too rapidly, and that I'm running instead of walking, but I don't actually know; I have to guess by others' reactions. I'm working hard to calm down, and I do all right when I'm alone, but it floods back whenever I start interacting with people again. I don't think that I've made any dramatic errors yet, although I'm positive that I'm more curt than usual; I continue to maintain a passable if absurdist sense of humor.

Being able to get online even briefly is a great relief.

I've started shutting down non-critical elements of my personality as a kind of emergency relief measure. The externally notable temporary differences will be increased bruqueness, a lack of some social niceties, diminished regard for others, and a partial shuffle of priorities. I have warned Val already, but I figure I should extend the alert to everyone: if I seem pissed off, it's probably not directed toward you, and I'm probably fine. If you know anything about David Keirsey or the Meyers-Briggs inventory, the best way you can understand is to imagine that I've closed down my NF and SP aspects and am now operating in a pure NT mode until such time as I have more internal resources. Same person, care about the same things, just seem less empathetic.

Call me on this if it's hurting you, and I'll do what I can, but do not at any cost assume that it won't be a burden on me or that I "just need to snap out of it." In other words, if I'm trying to stop an earthquake, do not ask to borrow my duct tape -- unless you are also trying to stop an earthquake of similar or greater magnitude on the Richter scale.

In any case, I've got to get going.

Ah, duct tape.