rinue | Under the Round Table

I've been obsessed with Arthurian legend for most of my life. The appeal is very simple: I like the round table. I like the idea of the best and the brightest coming together to work for a common dream -- a dream that binds them together as brothers. They may not always be on the same side -- they may sometimes hate each other -- but they define themselves as part of the same whole. No matter how many quests they go on or how little time they spend there, Camelot is their home.

Although I've had Lancelots, Guineveres, Morgans, and Merlins, I have never had a round table. I've had Merry Men, which is nearly as good, but the thing about Merry Men is that they leave Sherwood Forest when Richard returns. Basically, I'm left with the grail and many of the betrayals but not the pact that would make them worth it.

The Richardson Boys are the closest thing I've ever found to the round table. The phrase "band of brothers" leaps immediately to mind. They are the best and the brightest in a sense, mostly hand-picked by Patrick, united by a bond that's difficult to explain. It's not that they like each other particularly, or spend a lot of time together, but they view the group as "home" whether they want to or not. The energy that exists when all of them share a room is spectacular.

The irony here is that upon finding them I am unable to join them. This will never change. They like me -- some even love me -- and I am welcome on quests, or as an object of quests, but I'm a girl. It drives me crazy that I didn't see that one coming; while women are a part of Camelot, they are not knights of the round table. The one time I need a Romie Exception and it's letting me down.

You can excuse me for not realizing sooner. There is the Romie Exception, and they years upon years that I've spent as Arthur. Because of that, I didn't recognize Patrick as Arthur when I met him, and I picked him instead of the other way 'round.

He calls me Nimue, which I find stunningly apt. A powerful but unintimidating woman who shows up late in the game to become Arthur's chief advisor. A lady of the lake. I even dated the group's Merlin, whose age they give as younger at every meeting. [And that is how I shall henceforth distinguish the Toms: Tom North and Merlin.]

And so, as usual, I have found the object of my quest only to realize it's not mine to attain. It's the same bittersweet every time -- at least I know that the dream exists. At least I know it's possible. At least I know there are people in the world who are getting it right.

I'm just not one of them.