Finally, a Comic Entry

[rinue]

[At 3:00, my mother calls]

Mom: I've figured out the problem you're having with the bank.

Me: Oh!

Mom: You're Yossarian.

Me: That's the problem?

Mom: Yes. You're Yossarian, and you'd be a lot happier as Milo
Minderbinder. Go to.

Me: And you, as Orr, are advising me?

Mom: Yeah, pretty much.

Me: Damn. This metaphor means Valancy dies, doesn't it?

Mom: Yes; we'll be very mournful, especially since she's killed by
our own guys, but these things happen.


[Later]


Val: Goddamnit! You better actually notice I'm
holding my entrails instead of trying to fix my arm! If I'm
cold, it's all your fault!

Me: That's not how you die! (pause) Is it?

Val: I figured I was the kid.

Me: Oh, you are. I just thought you were sliced in half by a low-
flying plane.

Val: No, that's the other kid! I figured he was Patrick!

Me: No, he's Patrick Patrick Patrick Patrick and jumps out of
windows a lot. You'll just have to be both the kids and die
twice.

Val: You're fuckin' evil, man. Does that make me
Milo?

Me: No, the whole point is that I'm supposed to be. Only I'm
really Yossarian.

Val: Inescapably. Definitively. We pity you.

Me: Fuckin' A.

[The Target cashier rips off his disguize, revealing a knife-wielding woman who tries to kill Romie.]