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rinueI have two contradictory thought patterns that have been with me since childhood: one is that I don't trust authority at all and expect them to be some combination of lazy, incompetent, and corrupt in a way that will prevent them from giving me whatever thing I need and/or will cause them to exert strange vendettas against me, and the other is that I find it really important to follow the chain of command (without which no complex system can function efficiently, and I do love complex systems).
This causes me a certain amount of mental turmoil, because it means I must constantly seek guidance from people who I view on some level as adversaries (even if that specific person has supported me in the past). Yet this thought system has proved resilient, perhaps because it functions so well. Since I go to authority for what I want (chain of command), and they are not usually out to get me (even though in any individual case I assume they are), authority usually functions to protect me in exactly the ways it's supposed to. But because I am tremendously suspicious, I have safeties in place in the event they do betray me. (Which happens. Way too much.)
In effect, this is how I became Machiavellian before ever reading one word by Machiavelli, which I just figured out, and is probably why I take a Realist view of international relations and do so well at strategic board games.
I do feel a bit guilty about it, though; not only does it mean I worry a lot while I wait to receive an authority's response, which is not terribly easy on the people who are closest to me, but it means I incorrectly doubt quite a lot of people who genuinely have my best interests at heart.
This causes me a certain amount of mental turmoil, because it means I must constantly seek guidance from people who I view on some level as adversaries (even if that specific person has supported me in the past). Yet this thought system has proved resilient, perhaps because it functions so well. Since I go to authority for what I want (chain of command), and they are not usually out to get me (even though in any individual case I assume they are), authority usually functions to protect me in exactly the ways it's supposed to. But because I am tremendously suspicious, I have safeties in place in the event they do betray me. (Which happens. Way too much.)
In effect, this is how I became Machiavellian before ever reading one word by Machiavelli, which I just figured out, and is probably why I take a Realist view of international relations and do so well at strategic board games.
I do feel a bit guilty about it, though; not only does it mean I worry a lot while I wait to receive an authority's response, which is not terribly easy on the people who are closest to me, but it means I incorrectly doubt quite a lot of people who genuinely have my best interests at heart.
