The Maddening Divide Between English and Legal English

[rinue]

Since I was told by my doctor to drink a lot of cranberry juice, I've been drinking about a liter a day of Ocean Spray Light Cranberry, which is made with Spenda instead of sugar and consequently doesn't make me feel intoxicated. (I usually drink juice in shot glasses and avoid soda, because although I can swallow down tequila with very little effect, a screwdriver or rum and coke will floor me almost immediately, including if you take out the liquor. No idea why I have this reaction to liquid sugar. Blood tests have been run but have turned up nothing conclusive.)

Anyway, on the side of the jug, it says "no artificial colors and flavors." And I know what they mean in a food-labeling sense, which is only tenuously connected to what words are used to represent it. However, if Splenda isn't a way of adding the flavor of sugar without adding sugar, an artifice of sugar, the edges of reality have to collapse a little. Unless, of course, the insistence is that "sweet" is not a flavor, in which case there is a threat to more than just the edges of reality.

Comments

[rinue]

To be honest, I'm pretty deeply suspicious of almost all food-based treatment regimens (unless it's because of, for instance, a nutritional deficiency or digestive problem) because they always sound a bit like magic potions to me. And I mean I do go too far in the other direction and get mad at, like, nutritionists. My mom keeps cranberry pills around, though, and they certainly seem more likely to work (which I still think is very unlikely, being overly skeptical in this way) than juice which is usually only like 27% juice anyway.

Mostly I'm sticking with my grand "every five years get very strong antibiotics" plan. And otherwise, of course, drink a lot of water, not because it helps but because that is what I do. And I drank some juice this time around to humor my doctor to the extent I can stand it.