Forever Yellow Skies
Dec. 21st, 2001 09:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rinueI just finished watching "Wonder Boys" for the first time, and it strikes me as a very dangerous movie that I should avoid seeing again. This should not be taken to mean that I did not enjoy it -- quite the contrary. The trouble stems from my reaction to absorbing movies or books: I become more absorbed than the average person.
It isn't escapism so much as a skewed brand of empathy. It shows up most readily when a foreign accent is present; after listening to it for more than a few minutes, I sound like a native speaker. It can, however, go further than that -- bleed into body language, expression, thought patterns. I turn into the character, for better or for worse.
I don't think anyone wants me to turn into Tobey Maguire's character more often than strictly neccessary.
Today has been surreal enough as it is. Arielle has recently dyed her hair black, and her clothing style has taken a strong turn for the gothic. The upshot is that she looks very much like Raine; she even moves like her. Raine crossed with me. It's less unnerving to me than one might expect -- and that is unnerving, or ought to be.
Ariel, Arielle's live-in friend and my official fan club, is perpetually astounded by the extent to which we can mimic one another. Other friends comment on it too, our ability to dance so synchronously that it seems choreographed, without even the need to look at one another.
What few people seem to notice is my tendency to mirror the dominant personality in any setting. It's a clever bit of social engineering; it sets people at their ease and establishes me as a similarly dominant presence. Only Patrick has noted my ability to use dramatic lighting, to insure that I'm backlit for any important battle. I don't even do it consciously; it took me years of psychology textbooks to figure out how I always managed to get control of unfamiliar situations.
When I was visiting Kristina in Rhode Island, I read her "Theory of Personality" texts, to look for things I didn't already know. I was disappointed; they read for the most part like Intro books, although the discussion of Freud was more enlightened than most.
I did enjoy the section on the MMPI (the Minnesota? Multiphasic Personality Inventory); one of the most widely-used personality tests, it enjoys especial standing as a reliable indicator of most mental problems. I have, as yet, avoided taking it myself, because if it told me I was crazy I would become crazy.
It's not a test you can cheat, because the questions are unpredictable. Take, for example, the following true-or-false statement: "I prefer a shower to a bath." Prefering the shower is the empathic response. No one knows why; it is simply statistically accurate. Perhaps it is because baths are solitary, whereas showers are taken for speed -- to get the bather back to human contact as quickly as possible. Perhaps it stems from a desire for physical contact instead of floating seperation. Does it still apply to people who take long showers and conversational baths?
I had dinner in the bath a few weeks ago. Val sat on the sink counter. We ate eggplant, stuffed with basil, black beans, and tomato. Mozzarella cheese, in her case. A spinach salad on the side, I believe with gold raisins and pears.
Two other terms, which I had forgotten:
1. False consensus effect -- the tendency of people to see their own behavior as more common than it actually is.
2. "Transparent self" -- "To the extent that you exhibit any kind of psychological facade and that there are large discrepancies between the person 'inside' and the person you display 'outside' you are likely to experience excessive isolation from the people around you, which can lead to unhappiness, hostility, and depression."
The third concept which has been knocking around in my head comes not from a psychology textbook, but from my sensai, Dr. Harkins. It is called the "primary affinity."
In effect, people are not the same. Each person has his strengths, his weaknesses. Some are heart people, some head, some stomach. Everyone is better at some things, and worse at others. Traditional wisdom attempts to train the things at which the individual is lacking.
The primary affinity suggests another option. Find the virtue at which you are best, and strive to become better at it than anyone in the world. The others will follow, because virtues are tied together. It is difficult to be virtuous in one are and not in others just as it is impossible to improve ability at one sport without peripherally improving skill at other sports; if you have more muscle, you have more muscle regardless of the setting.
I am patently unable to discover my primary affinity, perhaps because of my affection for "Romie Contradictions." As a Taoist, I take the middle path, and both extremes seem similar. Perhaps my primary affinity is comprehensiveness, but I am uncertain that this is a virtue.
When Jamie asked me about the appropriate size for carry-on luggage earlier today, I expressed disbelief that he was bringing more than a book. "Unlike you," he said, smiling into the phone, "I wear different clothes every day."
Actually, I changed my undershirt on Friday, although I will admit it has also been that long since I've washed my hair. These things really don't seem unusual to me at the time.
It isn't escapism so much as a skewed brand of empathy. It shows up most readily when a foreign accent is present; after listening to it for more than a few minutes, I sound like a native speaker. It can, however, go further than that -- bleed into body language, expression, thought patterns. I turn into the character, for better or for worse.
I don't think anyone wants me to turn into Tobey Maguire's character more often than strictly neccessary.
Today has been surreal enough as it is. Arielle has recently dyed her hair black, and her clothing style has taken a strong turn for the gothic. The upshot is that she looks very much like Raine; she even moves like her. Raine crossed with me. It's less unnerving to me than one might expect -- and that is unnerving, or ought to be.
Ariel, Arielle's live-in friend and my official fan club, is perpetually astounded by the extent to which we can mimic one another. Other friends comment on it too, our ability to dance so synchronously that it seems choreographed, without even the need to look at one another.
What few people seem to notice is my tendency to mirror the dominant personality in any setting. It's a clever bit of social engineering; it sets people at their ease and establishes me as a similarly dominant presence. Only Patrick has noted my ability to use dramatic lighting, to insure that I'm backlit for any important battle. I don't even do it consciously; it took me years of psychology textbooks to figure out how I always managed to get control of unfamiliar situations.
When I was visiting Kristina in Rhode Island, I read her "Theory of Personality" texts, to look for things I didn't already know. I was disappointed; they read for the most part like Intro books, although the discussion of Freud was more enlightened than most.
I did enjoy the section on the MMPI (the Minnesota? Multiphasic Personality Inventory); one of the most widely-used personality tests, it enjoys especial standing as a reliable indicator of most mental problems. I have, as yet, avoided taking it myself, because if it told me I was crazy I would become crazy.
It's not a test you can cheat, because the questions are unpredictable. Take, for example, the following true-or-false statement: "I prefer a shower to a bath." Prefering the shower is the empathic response. No one knows why; it is simply statistically accurate. Perhaps it is because baths are solitary, whereas showers are taken for speed -- to get the bather back to human contact as quickly as possible. Perhaps it stems from a desire for physical contact instead of floating seperation. Does it still apply to people who take long showers and conversational baths?
I had dinner in the bath a few weeks ago. Val sat on the sink counter. We ate eggplant, stuffed with basil, black beans, and tomato. Mozzarella cheese, in her case. A spinach salad on the side, I believe with gold raisins and pears.
Two other terms, which I had forgotten:
1. False consensus effect -- the tendency of people to see their own behavior as more common than it actually is.
2. "Transparent self" -- "To the extent that you exhibit any kind of psychological facade and that there are large discrepancies between the person 'inside' and the person you display 'outside' you are likely to experience excessive isolation from the people around you, which can lead to unhappiness, hostility, and depression."
The third concept which has been knocking around in my head comes not from a psychology textbook, but from my sensai, Dr. Harkins. It is called the "primary affinity."
In effect, people are not the same. Each person has his strengths, his weaknesses. Some are heart people, some head, some stomach. Everyone is better at some things, and worse at others. Traditional wisdom attempts to train the things at which the individual is lacking.
The primary affinity suggests another option. Find the virtue at which you are best, and strive to become better at it than anyone in the world. The others will follow, because virtues are tied together. It is difficult to be virtuous in one are and not in others just as it is impossible to improve ability at one sport without peripherally improving skill at other sports; if you have more muscle, you have more muscle regardless of the setting.
I am patently unable to discover my primary affinity, perhaps because of my affection for "Romie Contradictions." As a Taoist, I take the middle path, and both extremes seem similar. Perhaps my primary affinity is comprehensiveness, but I am uncertain that this is a virtue.
When Jamie asked me about the appropriate size for carry-on luggage earlier today, I expressed disbelief that he was bringing more than a book. "Unlike you," he said, smiling into the phone, "I wear different clothes every day."
Actually, I changed my undershirt on Friday, although I will admit it has also been that long since I've washed my hair. These things really don't seem unusual to me at the time.
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Date: 2001-12-22 08:00 am (UTC)