Still Sniffling

[rinue]

Got my hair cut today, but can't tell whether I look cute, because I'm sick. So I mostly look tired and puffy-faced. I can look at my hair from the back and sides (thanks to advanced light-bending technology, a.k.a. sequenced mirrors) and it has a very good shape. But as soon as my face comes into the picture, forget about it.

This jaunt into the city to see Scarlett's salon was padded out with REL clothes and art supply shopping, which meant a lot of admiring good design and pigments without the pressure to purchase, since I really shouldn't bring anything new into the house until I get what I have out of boxes, certain helpful electronics excepted.

Afterwards, the four of us went out for Thai food at a restaurant run by ex-pornographers (?), and then trekked in the cold, rain, and hail to a bar with an open mic I wanted to check out, even though I was sick, because as far as I know it's the only open mic in Boston which is not on a night I work.

But alas, it's not a scene I want to join. There were three good performers, but the venue was dominated almost exclusively by straight guys and most of the bad stuff was openly misogynist, with a blend of sports-y misogyny and the hipster misogyny all the kids like. Lots of jokes about how terrible it would be to wake up next to an ugly fat chick told by ugly fat guys who should be so lucky. When the host doesn't bother to stop by our table when we're the only non-regulars, and when one of the favored comedians decides it's a great idea to make a joke about how women are only good for lesbian porn, but not as directors, because women can't direct. . . I might not obviously be a director, but I sure don't look straight right now, and if I'm the person sitting right in front of the microphone, and the only person in the bar paying attention to you . . . maybe you recalculate your set? I'm just saying.

I could probably take the place over, but it's not worth it. None of these are fans I want to have or people who'd give me a hand up. It's a shame. I was hoping for an outlet. My life can get really echo chamber. I'll have to get somebody to give me a column somewhere, or something.

Comments

[valancy_jane]

So, so tiring. The echo chamber feeling.

I wrote a tremendous amount this morning, and was so sad this evening over being alone and being sure it wouldn't be published that I drank too much wine out of tremendously beautiful wine glasses C's cousin's husband gave us. Which is not to make you further down, but to say: I understand.

[rinue]

Ciro and I are thinking absently and without a clear time horizon about the possibility of starting a magazine to be distributed through the kindle. Easy to format, easy to set up for paid subscribers without having to deal with payments (since it goes through amazon), server costs, anything. Charging maybe 50 cents an issue. To this end, Ciro has gotten a kindle as research. Not that I'd ever expect it to make much of any money, but I like the distribution concept. It's sort of something we were talking about absently during our pre-leaving-Dallas lunch with your dad, and then it actually captured my imagination.

[valancy_jane]

I think that would be absolutely fantastic. What subject? (C is desperate to get involved in something, and if it were something semi-political, I could see him really adding something to your work. If you needed contributors, that is.)

[rinue]

That's what we're pretty undecided about, actually. Unlike most people who do what I do, I tend to come up with the business side of things and get excited about that, and *then* come up with the art side of it, rather than saying "this is what I want how do I get it." Too many strategy games at a young age, I guess. I've thought a bit about treating it like television channels where people pitch, say, "I'll write you two pages of column about [this] every month," or "I'll find 5 pages of fiction, or drawings, or poems" and I say "yeah, all right" or "no thanks." But I don't know what we'll actually do, or when, or if.

[valancy_jane]

I know what you mean, now, actually. There's a time when I wouldn't have, but now, ah, yes, the lure of figuring out the administrative first is most appealing. Limitations have never looked so hot.

[valancy_jane]

Obviously I'd be delighted to be part of it; my brain is just working in curlicues tonight.

Clearly I should sleep.