Cattywompus
Oct. 11th, 2010 07:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rinueI present for discussion the definition of "ravel" courtesy of the American Heritage dictionary:
1. To become separated into its component threads; unravel or fray.
2. To become tangled or confused.
In other words, ravel equals unravel, and also knot up. Also, broken thread. From the Dutch.
I spent this weekend doing nothing but trying to relax, and I feel more exhausted than I did beforehand. When even a relaxed, low-pressure afternoon with good food and old friends is a source of severe anxiety and disappointment, I don't know what one does besides medication, but that's hardly something you subscribe (ethically) to a patient you will not be able to monitor two weeks down the line.
I'm sleeping very badly, and have for several months; I've had a sore throat for about two months; for the last several weeks I've had morning sickness but am not pregnant; I've developed mild and unexplained rashes in uncomfortable places; and skin is peeling off the bottoms of my feet in large, thick strips. My body is breaking down, basically, and my brain isn't holding together too well either.
I don't know what to do. I don't have the energy to go in to see a doctor who will tell me I need to relax. The only thing that feels like it would work would be to take a month-long sabbatical (which would have to be unpaid) and go impose on Val with my phone turned off. Maybe more than a month. This is of course impossible because it would stick Ciro with the move and the movie, and my savings are currently nonexistent thanks to the move and the movie.
I have notes for real entries (I mostly tried to stay off the computer this weekend, as part of my attempt to take a break), and as of yesterday was feeling up to maybe finally writing about important and neglected events of this year I might want to remember, such as filming and my wedding, but my first news of this morning was about contract negotiation problems with a person I didn't like and a fair contract that really, really, really should have existed before anybody ever stepped on set, which I said many, many times in preproduction exactly so this wouldn't happen, and then was told that I don't need to worry about it because it's not my department.
Then I went to work and had a show as early as it's possible for them to schedule me, with a client I've never worked with, and it turned out our contact person there was out of town and we had no way of contacting anyone at the station, so I had to do the rough equivalent of looking through phone books to find the private number of someone who works there so I could interrupt their medical leave and get the private phone number of a temp just in time for me to go on air.
Then I got off air and got a frantic, frantic phone call from someone who urgently needs to reach Ciro, who of course I can't reach any faster than anyone else if he's not answering his phone or e-mail, and she decided I needed to freak out with her even though I can't. do. anything. about. it. I did try to break into his e-mail and facebook account to be helpful, even though I felt unethical about it, but it was moot anyway because I don't know all his passwords off the top of my head and it's not like I'm on a computer in a building where he's ever been and might still be logged in. I believe he once set foot on the asphalt in the parking lot.
Everything in my life disappoints and depresses me, and I don't feel like I'm ever going to escape it. It would be a relief just to be free of the roaches that permeate my apartment, but I'm terrified that some of them will tag along to Boston. (My landlords continue to refuse to believe this is a problem, even though all four units in the building are freaking out about it and it's their legal responsibility to take care of it. And this kind of thing can't be taken care of independently; it has to be a whole-building solution.) Not a day goes by when I don't kill at least 12. I can't leave food out to cool, or a glass of water by my bed. It's entirely possible they're the reason for my terrible allergy season.
Is there even a point to writing this? It doesn't make me feel better, and I can't imagine it's entertaining. There were nice moments I could focus on - a bookstore trip, fried pies - and I would like to believe I will do so in a later entry. But right now I just feel terrible.
1. To become separated into its component threads; unravel or fray.
2. To become tangled or confused.
In other words, ravel equals unravel, and also knot up. Also, broken thread. From the Dutch.
I spent this weekend doing nothing but trying to relax, and I feel more exhausted than I did beforehand. When even a relaxed, low-pressure afternoon with good food and old friends is a source of severe anxiety and disappointment, I don't know what one does besides medication, but that's hardly something you subscribe (ethically) to a patient you will not be able to monitor two weeks down the line.
I'm sleeping very badly, and have for several months; I've had a sore throat for about two months; for the last several weeks I've had morning sickness but am not pregnant; I've developed mild and unexplained rashes in uncomfortable places; and skin is peeling off the bottoms of my feet in large, thick strips. My body is breaking down, basically, and my brain isn't holding together too well either.
I don't know what to do. I don't have the energy to go in to see a doctor who will tell me I need to relax. The only thing that feels like it would work would be to take a month-long sabbatical (which would have to be unpaid) and go impose on Val with my phone turned off. Maybe more than a month. This is of course impossible because it would stick Ciro with the move and the movie, and my savings are currently nonexistent thanks to the move and the movie.
I have notes for real entries (I mostly tried to stay off the computer this weekend, as part of my attempt to take a break), and as of yesterday was feeling up to maybe finally writing about important and neglected events of this year I might want to remember, such as filming and my wedding, but my first news of this morning was about contract negotiation problems with a person I didn't like and a fair contract that really, really, really should have existed before anybody ever stepped on set, which I said many, many times in preproduction exactly so this wouldn't happen, and then was told that I don't need to worry about it because it's not my department.
Then I went to work and had a show as early as it's possible for them to schedule me, with a client I've never worked with, and it turned out our contact person there was out of town and we had no way of contacting anyone at the station, so I had to do the rough equivalent of looking through phone books to find the private number of someone who works there so I could interrupt their medical leave and get the private phone number of a temp just in time for me to go on air.
Then I got off air and got a frantic, frantic phone call from someone who urgently needs to reach Ciro, who of course I can't reach any faster than anyone else if he's not answering his phone or e-mail, and she decided I needed to freak out with her even though I can't. do. anything. about. it. I did try to break into his e-mail and facebook account to be helpful, even though I felt unethical about it, but it was moot anyway because I don't know all his passwords off the top of my head and it's not like I'm on a computer in a building where he's ever been and might still be logged in. I believe he once set foot on the asphalt in the parking lot.
Everything in my life disappoints and depresses me, and I don't feel like I'm ever going to escape it. It would be a relief just to be free of the roaches that permeate my apartment, but I'm terrified that some of them will tag along to Boston. (My landlords continue to refuse to believe this is a problem, even though all four units in the building are freaking out about it and it's their legal responsibility to take care of it. And this kind of thing can't be taken care of independently; it has to be a whole-building solution.) Not a day goes by when I don't kill at least 12. I can't leave food out to cool, or a glass of water by my bed. It's entirely possible they're the reason for my terrible allergy season.
Is there even a point to writing this? It doesn't make me feel better, and I can't imagine it's entertaining. There were nice moments I could focus on - a bookstore trip, fried pies - and I would like to believe I will do so in a later entry. But right now I just feel terrible.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-10-12 05:33 pm (UTC)Is it possible for your mother and/or father to come down and assist you with packing? (Would you want that?) Is anyone else available to help?
Two, what about staying somewhere else for a while (with Ciro, of course)? I'm looking into options for ya'll right now.
Three, I'm also looking at ticket prices but I fear they're a bit out of my reach right now. If that's what you need, say so, and I'll make it happen.
Four, instead of coming down myself, I could order you some pre-made food that would arrive next week. It's frozen. Something like this:
The Grande Vegetarian Meals Bundle has been handpicked for our customers who do not eat any animals, but do eat eggs and dairy products. The bundle includes 7 complete meals and 3 desserts. You have the option with this package to buy 2 servings or 4 servings of this bundle.
Below is a list of the contents in this bundle:
Meals:
•Broccoli, Mushroom, Zucchini Soup, Artisan Flatbread
•Fire Roasted Vegetables En Croute, Buttered Carrots
•Eggplant Parmigiana
•Vegetable Lasagna
•Broccoli, Mushroom Zucchini Soup, Sauerkraut Pierogies
•Portabella Shiitake Mushroom Ravioli, Spinach Italiano
•Vegetable Stew, Potato & Cheese Pierogies
Five, I think seeing a doctor might be helpful, if only for dermatological reasons. (Your feet may be too moist, btw. That has happened to me as well. Try baby powder and see if it improves if you don't want to go in. I'm assuming they're not burning. If they are, you may have a simple case of athlete's foot which is very treatable.)
What sounds most helpful?
I'll get back to you on staying-with-people options. Let me know if that's something you specifically don't want.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-10-12 05:44 pm (UTC)