rinue | Me 'n' Holden

I have a pretty easy time identifying with characters like Holden Caulfield, or James Dean in Rebel Without A Cause, because I'm a breathtakingly privileged person who nevertheless wrestles with Existential angst and who often feels alienated because of my privilege and level of intelligence/education. Except on my very best days, I pretty much alternate between megalomania, crippling doubt, extreme hatred of everyone, and a desire to teach and heal the world (possibly Messianically) due to my great love of all mankind. So I see where these characters are coming from, and I also, fortunately, see how well they are understood by Salinger and by Nicholas Ray. I see that Ray and Salinger are saying to me, "hey, don't be lonely. We understand. We think you're great but that you also mess up a lot and can look really stupid. Maybe don't beat yourself up about it so much, but also maybe don't forget that it happens and can be really bad."

That said, I'm pretty mad that these characters get rammed down people's throats as the end-all-be-all. I like these characters because they are specific, and because we share an experience of the world. I don't think that experience is universal, and I think a lot of people who think they share it are fooling themselves, Raskolnikov style. I don't think that experience is better than everyone else's experience. I don't think someone who doesn't identify should feel bad. To some extent, I think the opposite - not that people should feel bad for identifying, but that they should feel pleased about not identifying. If they are not curious about this character unlike them, then I think they should happily move on, and this shouldn't be a big deal.

I sort of hate that I like these characters, although I think I am right to like these characters, because I hate so many other people who like these characters. A lot of people identify with Holden who should more rightly see themselves as the phoneys. (This problem is not isolated to Catcher in the Rye. A lot of problems that people have could be sucessfully throught through by application of the right narrative, but more often than not, people identify themselves as the wrong character in the narrative and draw the wrong conclusions as a result.) It drives me a little crazy when idiots think they are smart and special, and it drives me more than a little crazy that people might conclude, as a result, that because I think I am smart and special, I might actually be an idiot. I think I am not. I think I am demonstrably different from the obnoxious, average "geniuses" I have met.

There are so many things I have to hide that I like, just because so many horrible people like them, even though I find the things themselves quite wonderful. For that reason, I hate Catcher in the Rye. I hate that it puts me in this position.