rinue | I just want a cup of coffee

I am particular about dental floss. I want it to be white, unflavored, unwaxed, unbraided, shred-resistant, and as thin a nylon as possible so that I can hear it vibrate as it drags across the clean surfaces of a tooth. This signals that I can move to the next tooth.

Although this is the simplest form of floss - close to, but not exactly, thread - it is increasingly hard to find. Manufacturers are desperate to lure floss-contemptuous urbandwellers with buzzwords and technological advances - ORGANIC CINNAMON TRIPLE-WAXED WHITENING dental TAPE with VITAMIN B-12.

I love technology. Love it with all my heart. But please stop it with the branding attempts and let me have some normal floss.

(The absolute best floss is the No Wax Classic White Dental Floss made by POH. It has been around since the 60s, and if you look at it under a microscope you can see that it has like 500 microfilaments in each narrow strand. That's thin. They also make it in black, if you want to be edgy.)