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Little Lady
Mar. 17th, 2012 01:00 amDid not get into the Dallas Film Festival, which is something of a relief since in the last month I've started to feel disinclined to travel to any states which I consider to be placing unreasonable restrictions on abortion -- mandatory ultrasounds, etc. -- in much the same way I would not travel to Saudi Arabia. Which is unfortunate given the many, many friends and family members I have in Texas, and the warm feelings I have toward the Dallas Museum of Art, Arts Magnet, and UNT, but there it is. If you aren't going to respect my legal civil rights in this way, I don't trust you to look after my safety and comfort in other areas. I would like to see a general exodus of women from these states, Lysistrata style.
Alternately, a vast movement of women into these states to take them over, but I would like to spare women in general the need to fight for the recognition of their humanity every day of their lives. (It makes me sad to have to write that.)
Anyway, I take this as a signal that I need to make a better film, and also that next time I say "this is not working; I want to halt the production" that it should maybe be taken seriously. (I'm speaking of the sound problems again.) But anyway this film (which mostly succeeds, but isn't a breakthrough masterpiece, nor was intended as such) did what it was supposed to do in terms of giving Ciro a practice run as producer and affirming to me that I can remain entertaining for more than 20 minutes, while clarifying the situations in which monologues work and some of the situations in which they don't.
To a large extent, this is par for the course. Most artists and filmmakers that "come out of nowhere" have been producing high-level work for at least a decade, and just haven't hit the tipping point that got them noticed. But it is a very odd thing to continue to labor away making things for no audience, because I don't make dramas; it is a different thing to work hard on your own for years on a passionate tragedy or a muckraking documentary than to be a tormented artist in the attic toiling obsessively at Thurberesque light comedy.
Will maybe run Hayseeds by Film4 and see if they're interested. One of the setbacks of my writing is that it is rather mid-Atlantic. I use a largely European style but use it to explore American culture. Which means it is its own style (good) but also that each side thinks it's really more intended for the other. In any case, I will probably never succeed as an American filmmaker, largely because I have no interest in moving to L.A. or N.Y., even though I enjoy visits. Whereas I could happily live in Rome or London.
On to the next project. Ciro may (and probably should) continue to sub this one here and there, but I'm out. I will also not be subbing to Dallas again, because this is my second rejection from them (in both cases for work which I find superior to some of their acceptances), and if they're not going to be "hometown pride" about me I don't feel any need to continue to treat them like my hometown. Even though the people who run the festival are my friends and friends of friends.*
For a very long time, it was my main desire to be embraced by a place, to be thought of as "our" Romie, to be considered as a representative of and influence on the culture, and to have its geographic flavor be part of the specificity of my work. I don't find that I care about that any more, that I now see in myself the ways I am outsider, which are not going to change, and that "where on earth did you come from" is always going to be part of my life. I might as well take up that mantle and use it to best advantage. It is something I thought was true as a teenager, but was convinced at around age 20 that I had been silly about.
(I suspect everyone thinks they're a rare and unique genius called upon to do great things until they notice otherwise. It's important to know this. But I think it tricked me into thinking I was more like other people than I am like other people. Although I have specifically chosen not to cultivate eccentricities and oddness, but instead to minimize them -- which I will continue to do -- I am confronted with the fact that people consider me eccentric for things I would never have guessed were eccentric, and obscure when I try to be almost insultingly accessible and overexplained. Possibly this is what people are trying to get across when they say nonsense like "only act if you can't not act.")
Possibly I did come out of nowhere. I maintain that it takes a village, that one must have collaborators and an artistic community, but my community is not in a place and probably will never be, even if I become rich enough to pay them to live near me.
Have written a new short which is very filmable, but don't know when I'll have the four hours to film it.
* Edited to Add: On 3/22, they sent us a personal e-mail about what they liked about the film and also recommended us to another festival. Both these things are unusual in the world of film festivals, which is more like college applications than publishing.
Alternately, a vast movement of women into these states to take them over, but I would like to spare women in general the need to fight for the recognition of their humanity every day of their lives. (It makes me sad to have to write that.)
Anyway, I take this as a signal that I need to make a better film, and also that next time I say "this is not working; I want to halt the production" that it should maybe be taken seriously. (I'm speaking of the sound problems again.) But anyway this film (which mostly succeeds, but isn't a breakthrough masterpiece, nor was intended as such) did what it was supposed to do in terms of giving Ciro a practice run as producer and affirming to me that I can remain entertaining for more than 20 minutes, while clarifying the situations in which monologues work and some of the situations in which they don't.
To a large extent, this is par for the course. Most artists and filmmakers that "come out of nowhere" have been producing high-level work for at least a decade, and just haven't hit the tipping point that got them noticed. But it is a very odd thing to continue to labor away making things for no audience, because I don't make dramas; it is a different thing to work hard on your own for years on a passionate tragedy or a muckraking documentary than to be a tormented artist in the attic toiling obsessively at Thurberesque light comedy.
Will maybe run Hayseeds by Film4 and see if they're interested. One of the setbacks of my writing is that it is rather mid-Atlantic. I use a largely European style but use it to explore American culture. Which means it is its own style (good) but also that each side thinks it's really more intended for the other. In any case, I will probably never succeed as an American filmmaker, largely because I have no interest in moving to L.A. or N.Y., even though I enjoy visits. Whereas I could happily live in Rome or London.
On to the next project. Ciro may (and probably should) continue to sub this one here and there, but I'm out. I will also not be subbing to Dallas again, because this is my second rejection from them (in both cases for work which I find superior to some of their acceptances), and if they're not going to be "hometown pride" about me I don't feel any need to continue to treat them like my hometown. Even though the people who run the festival are my friends and friends of friends.*
For a very long time, it was my main desire to be embraced by a place, to be thought of as "our" Romie, to be considered as a representative of and influence on the culture, and to have its geographic flavor be part of the specificity of my work. I don't find that I care about that any more, that I now see in myself the ways I am outsider, which are not going to change, and that "where on earth did you come from" is always going to be part of my life. I might as well take up that mantle and use it to best advantage. It is something I thought was true as a teenager, but was convinced at around age 20 that I had been silly about.
(I suspect everyone thinks they're a rare and unique genius called upon to do great things until they notice otherwise. It's important to know this. But I think it tricked me into thinking I was more like other people than I am like other people. Although I have specifically chosen not to cultivate eccentricities and oddness, but instead to minimize them -- which I will continue to do -- I am confronted with the fact that people consider me eccentric for things I would never have guessed were eccentric, and obscure when I try to be almost insultingly accessible and overexplained. Possibly this is what people are trying to get across when they say nonsense like "only act if you can't not act.")
Possibly I did come out of nowhere. I maintain that it takes a village, that one must have collaborators and an artistic community, but my community is not in a place and probably will never be, even if I become rich enough to pay them to live near me.
Have written a new short which is very filmable, but don't know when I'll have the four hours to film it.
* Edited to Add: On 3/22, they sent us a personal e-mail about what they liked about the film and also recommended us to another festival. Both these things are unusual in the world of film festivals, which is more like college applications than publishing.
