But I'll Be All Right

If you've been around long enough, something you've probably picked up on is how much I enjoy profiling things. What I mean by that is that my favorite part of watching a movie is assigning characters to various friends and relations and then seeing how accurately the character interactions pan out. It's a normal outgrowth of my reliance on metaphor. It's also the reason I don't play chess -- it's altogether different to lose a pawn when you know that pawn is Max.

One of the more interesting side effects of this trend is that I find it vitally important to know what my current soundtrack is. This isn't necessarily the song I'm listening to most often, or even the music I like at the time; rather, it is a sort of summary of my overall mood and outlook. My rhythm. I know I'm doing well when my soundtrack is Paul McCartney; conversely, things are very bad when it's Nirvana.

Radiohead is my basic run-of-the-mill depression, but I've been through so many depressions that I find I have to specialize. Last year was unquestionably The Bends; the year before that, Kid A. Now, and perhaps ultimately, I'm firmly lodged in OK Computer.

So basically, instead of being sold out by all of my friends or trapped in a general dystopia, I'm just woefully out of place.

Which is a sign things are looking rather rosy, I think. . .

Shivved with a Print Cartridge

I nearly attacked a printer today. I stopped myself because Patrick would've had to pull me off of it and I can take him in a fight. I'm allowed to say that even though it's true and even though he's a blackbelt, because it's something he likes about me. It's very reassuring to know there's someone who loves you who can take you out if you completely lose it. Uncle Rex is that for me.

This is a non-sequitor, but I realized yesterday that at any given time I am breaking the law in at least three ways -- very likely more. On a day-to-day note, I'm talking about fraud, tax evasion, collusion in drug trafficking, copyright and trademark infringement, flagrant speeding, the dissemination of pornography, sodomy, parking on the wrong side of the street, and general moral turpetude. This doesn't even begin to include the times I go the wrong way down one-way streets, provide alcohol to minors, steal from friends and employers, or cook up elaborate and unprofitable confidence scams.

I don't exactly know how to react to this; pride seems inappropriate, but then so does apology.