Bio 1: Geneaology

Several months ago, hipgunslinger implored me to write some kind of autobiography so that he could place me in a context. Any number of things have gotten in my way since then, but I am finally prepared to post at least what I have, and leave it at that.

This thing is going to be in four sections. The first, (this one,) is geneaology and it talks about my family. The second is the dramatis personae, which is more useful for reference than anything else. The third is a timeline, short and very dry.

The fourth and final is also the best one -- certainly the one I'm most interested in seeing -- because it is written by valancy, and it is her perspective on what one needs to know about me. You could probably get away with just reading hers, but the reason we did it this way was so we could go in double-blind -- not read what the other was writing. So if two of us hit on the same things, you can know that we're being fairly reliable.

At the same time, I've noticed that my focus is on what surrounds me, and her focus is on who I am.

I'm also pestering Patrick to get him to guest entry. Maybe even Chad. Hell, anybody who wants to is welcome, and I'd likely return the favor.

In any case, here we go.

( My Family )

Bio 2: Dramatis Personae

Okay, part two. This gives a quick summary of the important people in my life. I've tried to stay fairly contemporary with this, and also to hold to people who are in close physical proximity, (with exceptions for people who are far away but phone me once a week or write me reams of personal e-mail). I have also neccessarily excluded online friends, which is not an attempt to diminish their importance so much as the recognition that most of them already know each other.

( The Cast of Characters )

The Grin of a Lender on the Run

I am regularly mistaken for someone who is introspective. In reality, I am opinionated and egocentric, which is only superficially the same thing. As good as I often am at understanding and predicting other people (learning their tells?) I tend to have a very limited understanding of what makes up my own personality.

Something I do know is that it's based on luck and charisma. Those are my definitive traits. Fortune looks out for me, and when it doesn't I can usually argue my way out.

Usually.

As a result, I'm a natural gambler. I do it without thinking; I trust that the universe will protect me, because it generally does. It took me a long time to realize that -- to realize that I am a gambler -- because I don't do it with money. Money doesn't have much meaning to me, and so I know I would lose it. Even when I play poker, it's rarely for tokens; I play for memories, or forfeits.

In any case, that's not gambling, just light amusement. It's only gambling when there's something meaningful at stake. That translates to the reckless streak that makes me a Gryffindor in the end. Of course, it rarely seems reckless at the time, because I know I'll win. Which I do.

Usually.

It's the Usually that gets me every time; if it wasn't a Usually, I wouldn't do it. If it's better than Usually -- if it's a sure thing -- then I'm not interested, because I don't really see the point. If I know I can have something, then I have no reason to pursue it; it's already mine for the taking, and I'm simply storing it where it is. If it's worse than Usually, I'm not stupid enough to take the risk. If I didn't win more often than I lost, I would be a fool to keep playing -- and I am not a fool.

Hearts is not my strong suit. I know that better than anyone, which is why I stopped dating for a year and a half. Like I said, I don't play games that I'm too likely to lose, and I noticed that I went into every relationship thinking "this is a bad idea." I'm lucky. If I think that something is a bad idea, it is probably a bad idea. When I get jumpy, watch out; shit is about to go down.

I realized today -- and it surprises me -- that I actually don't expect the Will Situation to blow up. That's unprecedented. It also doesn't make much sense, because I know how dangerous it is. I know, and everyone else knows. I've listed some of the reasons in the journal, and there are thousands more.

Despite that, I feel lucky.

High stakes.

Think I'm going to win, for no other reason than a gut feeling.

Dunno whether winning involves gaining Will or losing him.

This game just got a lot more interesting.