May. 22nd, 2002

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/ROMIE and her 14-year-old cousin MAX are standing in front of an urban ARMY NAVY STORE. Slim and rumpled, dressed in beat-up clothes several sizes two big for them, they project an unnerving elfin-ness. With studied irascibility and well-practiced slouches, they are the epitome of disaffected cool. While they stare to the place where the horizon would be if it weren't for the SKYSCRAPERS, MAX pulls a soft pack of GUM from his pocket. When ROMIE takes a stick, it turns for a moment into a lit CIGARETTE, but it flickers back before she puts it in her mouth./

ROMIE: Goddamnit. This place was my last best hope for pants.

MAX: I can't believe that lady thought I was trying to steal that gas mask.

ROMIE: I mean, it's the Army Navy Store. I thought they were required to have pants to fit anyone.

MAX: To begin with, I wouldn't have made a big deal about it to attract everyone's attention to the fact that I liked it.

/ROMIE and MAX begin to walk toward a RED CIVIC HATCHBACK, parked dead center in a small but empty PARKING LOT. On their way, they have to jump over several INERT WARHEADS./

ROMIE: This really shouldn't be impossible. I know that in the past I have owned pants.

MAX: Also, it was already broken when I got there.

ROMIE: I have photographic evidence.

MAX: Actually, Rome, I've only ever seen you in jeans or those green pants that fell apart.

ROMIE: Or the gray ones that don't fit right anymore.

MAX: Otherwise, it's one of a million crazy skirts.

ROMIE: Damnit.

MAX: Can we jump the fence and steal a whole bunch of gas masks, just to show her?

ROMIE: It's an Army Navy Store.

MAX: Point.

/They climb into the CAR, shifting from first to second before they travel more than eight feet. As they rapidly vanish between the tall buildings, we hear a blaring guitar riff that is unmistakably the PIXIES./

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