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Sep. 18th, 2001
Book of Hours
Sep. 18th, 2001 06:02 pmLast night, Valancy confided to me her belief that Patrick is having "issues." My response was immediate and tripartheid:
1. Patrick always has issues.
2. Patrick? Issues? I'm sure it's all in your head.
3. And even if he does, it's not my problem.
I felt happily Arthurian in my logic, but Valancy refused to leave it at that.
-- Nono. Patrick has issues.
-- Damn straight he does. He's a film major who's never seen 12 Monkeys.
-- That's not what I'm talking about. He thinks he's surrounded by infidels.
-- Yeah, he never got over his years as a fundamentalist lay preacher. It'll pass.
-- He thinks we're infidels who are actively trying to corrupt him, and that's why he's suddenly avoiding us.
-- Don't worry about it. If he were really annoyed, he's a good enough geneticist to wipe us out with a DNA-specific plague.
Patrick, my erstwhile squire, somehow manages to be stranger than me; I think he's quite the most disturbing person I know. Another of his friends has termed him "the walking contradiction," a label that's surprisingly apt. For example:
- He can do advanced calculus in his head, but has decided he can best serve the world as an actor.
- He is one of the most effeminate people I know, but he says he is straight (and I believe him).
- He is avowedly anti-military, yet he is a blackbelt with flight, combat, and survival training and a more than passing familiarity with most firearms.
- He is superChristian, but does not believe in God.
- He speaks Japanese and used to work in a comic store, but he does not know what I'm talking about when I call him "bishounen."
In addition to the above, he used to live in Sweeden and has been struck by lightning before. Moreover, he has a pathological need to out-evil me. As everyone knows, this is a horrible idea; I will always be the most Evil person in the room as a matter of pride, and attempts to compete merely fortify my evil-ness. (I am also inevitably the most Good person in the room. Nobody has quite worked out how I do this, except to say that they are two sides of the same coin. Or the same side of two different coins. Heads.)
The current Patrick Issue to which Val was alluding is his crusade against sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll. This is a longstanding deficiency in his character which I do my best to nobly ignore; he's very young and confused, and he's never been exposed to the proper environment.
The readily apparent outer mantle of this crusade is his theoretical refusal to consume alcohol. I say "theoretical" because he generally protests just long enough for someone to make him a properly girly drink. Nevertheless, he becomes very uncomfortable if I have a beer with dinner in the comfort of my own home. This phenomenon is greatly magnified by the fact that I recently turned twenty one and many people gave me gifts of lagers and liqeurs, such that my fridge has little room left for food.
Valancy's argument hinges on two things: he left before dinner on Saturday, and he dislikes one of her friends who happens to be an alcoholic. Never mind that he was exhausted from helping me move furniture around all day, or that he really dislikes other guys; there is a pattern here which cannot be denied! Patrick is clearly allied with the Spanish Inquisition!!!!
1. Patrick always has issues.
2. Patrick? Issues? I'm sure it's all in your head.
3. And even if he does, it's not my problem.
I felt happily Arthurian in my logic, but Valancy refused to leave it at that.
-- Nono. Patrick has issues.
-- Damn straight he does. He's a film major who's never seen 12 Monkeys.
-- That's not what I'm talking about. He thinks he's surrounded by infidels.
-- Yeah, he never got over his years as a fundamentalist lay preacher. It'll pass.
-- He thinks we're infidels who are actively trying to corrupt him, and that's why he's suddenly avoiding us.
-- Don't worry about it. If he were really annoyed, he's a good enough geneticist to wipe us out with a DNA-specific plague.
Patrick, my erstwhile squire, somehow manages to be stranger than me; I think he's quite the most disturbing person I know. Another of his friends has termed him "the walking contradiction," a label that's surprisingly apt. For example:
- He can do advanced calculus in his head, but has decided he can best serve the world as an actor.
- He is one of the most effeminate people I know, but he says he is straight (and I believe him).
- He is avowedly anti-military, yet he is a blackbelt with flight, combat, and survival training and a more than passing familiarity with most firearms.
- He is superChristian, but does not believe in God.
- He speaks Japanese and used to work in a comic store, but he does not know what I'm talking about when I call him "bishounen."
In addition to the above, he used to live in Sweeden and has been struck by lightning before. Moreover, he has a pathological need to out-evil me. As everyone knows, this is a horrible idea; I will always be the most Evil person in the room as a matter of pride, and attempts to compete merely fortify my evil-ness. (I am also inevitably the most Good person in the room. Nobody has quite worked out how I do this, except to say that they are two sides of the same coin. Or the same side of two different coins. Heads.)
The current Patrick Issue to which Val was alluding is his crusade against sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll. This is a longstanding deficiency in his character which I do my best to nobly ignore; he's very young and confused, and he's never been exposed to the proper environment.
The readily apparent outer mantle of this crusade is his theoretical refusal to consume alcohol. I say "theoretical" because he generally protests just long enough for someone to make him a properly girly drink. Nevertheless, he becomes very uncomfortable if I have a beer with dinner in the comfort of my own home. This phenomenon is greatly magnified by the fact that I recently turned twenty one and many people gave me gifts of lagers and liqeurs, such that my fridge has little room left for food.
Valancy's argument hinges on two things: he left before dinner on Saturday, and he dislikes one of her friends who happens to be an alcoholic. Never mind that he was exhausted from helping me move furniture around all day, or that he really dislikes other guys; there is a pattern here which cannot be denied! Patrick is clearly allied with the Spanish Inquisition!!!!
