!!!

[rinue]

Crisis loomed yesterday when, driving back from visiting my grandmother in Virginia Beach, we passed a gentleman's club - and I realized that at some point Ciro is going to have a bachelor's party and I'm not going to be invited. Then I realized that Ciro is probably not going to have a bachelor party - he is probably going to have several bachelor parties in which various of his friends try to outdo each other.

And he is charming and handsome and fun to throw parties for and they will ply him with liquor, which naturally he will gladly accept, and there will be beautiful naked ladies who fall all over him and he will kiss them and their breasts will bounce up and down and I won't get to see any of it. And it's not fair, and I need naked ladies more than he does. It's me that won't get to make out with women ever again, whereas he has a frequently naked lady at his beck and call. Goddamnit!

I hate bachelorette parties and they're not the same at all. I hate ogling women with other women, be they gay or straight. They always make it campy and embarrassing or overly intellectual/postmodern/therapeutic. (An exception here is women who have at some point worked as comedians, especially if they've done stand up - they are awesomely ribald, and when sexuality enters the picture, they get conspiratorial instead of catty. Moreover, when they do excruciating self-disclosures, they're funny as hell. Women of comedy, I love you.) I also hate wedding showers, spa days, clubbing, etc.. I like tea parties, but come on.

I stomped around for a while making wild accusations while Ciro (and at one point, Patrick) pretended to try to reassure me while in fact trying to rile me up further. Beyond my combined envy and jealousy (being bisexual is sometimes difficult), I was overwhelmed with competitiveness. I mean, I wear a belt with two prongs, and when I noticed last July that Ciro's had three, we practically went to war. The number of times each of us has said "haha!" or "you see? you see?"... I am actually writing this entry right now partly because I know that Ciro is working on his computer.

I managed to maintain a state of high dudgeon for something like fourteen hours, until I realized - choose your ground, right? There's no way I'm going get a party that's as fun as Ciro's. I mean, he's Ciro. He has people.

I can, however, make sure I am served better food. Oh yes. Each time he has a bachelor party (at least one of which basically all of my friends but me will probably attend), I demand to have my meal paid for at an absurdly good restaurant. (By whom, I haven't figured out - this could be your exciting chance to volunteer.) Val gets to come too. Then Ciro can come home and imply whatever erotic tomfoolery he likes, and I... I will hold up a menu.

Comments

[narcolepticcat.livejournal.com]

i think there should be no boobies of any kind. i think there should be elves and sorayama androids. and if neither of those are available, we should have a moment of silence, succeeded immediately by the ceremony.

[azzy23.livejournal.com]

oooo.... and mariachis!!!

[azzy23.livejournal.com]

AMEN!!! I hate HATE bachelorette parties!! I always want to go with the guys, because that's the place to be. Although I can't help but throw in the occaisional "Oh, those shoes are terrible" comment in my ribaldry...

[pink-skirts.livejournal.com]

Well, you know my opinion. Food beats out everything. But of course, that is just me.

[tommx.livejournal.com]

I got married twice and never had even one bachelor party. Later I went to a friends bachelor party and found the baseball game earlier in the evening far more enjoyable than the strip club afterward. I don't really feel like I missed out.

[solipsiae.livejournal.com]

Dude, the simple solution here: don't throw a bachelorette party. Have a bachelor party for yourself. Since when did you pay any of that definition crap any mind, anyhow?! I very much likes me some knockers and I will get plowed and we can make this work. Please. I love bewbs.

And, uh, being bisexual is always difficult. At least in my experience.

[rinue.livejournal.com]

You see the problem immediately: one doesn't throw bachelor parties - one has them thrown for one. I do believe that a group of sufficiently rowdy persons could make this work (note my side comment on the awesomeness of comediennes - you were one of the three people foremost on my mind). And yes, you're right - I'll need to have a party and will take it (and hopefully the aforementioned bewbs) into my own hands if need be.

I still have a large amount of time in which to plot, considering that no wedding has been scheduled since we're still working on being in the same country for an extended period. However! I may at some point call on your scheming and licentious skills when coordinating some kind of bacchanal.

I still think we should have really excellent food, though. LOL

[solipsiae.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm relieved I was taken into account here! To my knowledge, it's the top bridesmaid and best man who're in charge of the respective stag(-ette) parties, so if you elect to have a wedding party (wait, has an engagement been made, btw?!) be sure to show your bridesmaid-of-honor (what are those called again?) this post and/or direct her to me and I will be more than happy to help.

And DUH on the excellent food! I've always wanted an excuse to check out the supposedly really-good buffets/free-or-cheap-meals advertised at many of the upscale joints so as to justify more lapdance expenses. I hear the Lodge is good. Look how willing I am to help research. :)

[rinue.livejournal.com]

wait, has an engagement been made, btw?!

No no no, or I'd make a huge thing of it. We intend to get married sometime, but have no idea how soon that will be - we are still way too busy worrying about things like whether we're allowed to live in the same country. However, I'm still allowed to freak out about hypothetical occurances even further in the future, especially if it's funny.

[solipsiae.livejournal.com]

Fantasizing is easily one of the most delicious things about being in love. My beau is really stoic and hyper-practical so I've cut down a lot myself on the romantic, speculative daydreaming, but arguably that was going unchecked in me for years before meeting him, so now it's at a manageable level.

[rinue.livejournal.com]

I never went in for all of that before, so I'm catching up for lost time, which means Ciro is exposed to occasional flurries of "Here is a drawing I did of a ring! I think my wedding dress should be blue! We should make sure not to space our children exactly two years apart, because it would be awful to deal with an infant and toddler concurrently!" etc.. All of it makes me feel silly and girly, although Ciro does some of it himself - grand ideas that include feasting and extended family and small Italian villages, all of which sound pretty good to me.

[solipsiae.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm glad you're getting into it NOW. It's so great!

small Italian villages? Ugh, so dreamy..