The Empty Space

[rinue]

The reason I find the idea of childrearing so terrifying is that a parent is God to a child; if you're God and you fuck up, you have no one to blame but yourself. I'm already an Existentialist, which you'd think would make things easier: as an Existentialist, one assumes total responsibility for everything in one's surroundings. The difference is that an Existentialist presupposes an inability to tell whether a given action is or isn't fundamentally important, and so presumes all choices are. A parent, a god, doesn't have the luxury of that basic uncertainty.

If I accidentally became pregnant, I'd have the child, and I'd raise it the best I could; similarly, if I found a child who was neglected, I'd do everything I could to take care of it. But I can't understand how anybody could plan a child, could, even with a deep love of children, look at parenthood with anything other than extreme trepidation. Sure, kids carry some of your genetic code, but that almost makes it worse: that's you you could fuck up. That's you that will almost certainly hate you for a while, no matter how good a job you do; it's practically a fact of cognitive development. I have a hard enough time getting along with the me that already exists; I can't imagine the impact of an alternate-universe half me. Even spending time with my sister weirds me out.

Comments

[hipgunslinger.livejournal.com]

you realize that if you had a child, I would have to come visit when he or she was at a cognizant age, and talk completely unintelligibly in a low "drinks and smokes too much" growl making sure that only you and Patrick would have some idea what I was saying.
I would also insist the child refer to me as "Uncle Smokey."

[rinue.livejournal.com]

That's okay. I've already decided I would teach the kid to call Arielle "Auntie Ox" and my parents "Mombie" and "Oompahpah."

love,
Romie

[hipgunslinger.livejournal.com]

I was just making you aware. Somebody needs to be uncle smokey, and I thought I might as well.