Constructing the Titanic

[rinue]

People who know the story of my life aren't terribly surprised that I harbor something of a persecution complex. It's not that I expect everyone is trying to attack me; instead, my special paranoia is that even my best-laid plans will fail for no discernible reason. They will fail spectacularly, against all odds, and any contingency plans will also not work, even if this failure requires a redefinition of basic physics. I will not be able to learn from these experiences because nobody will be capable of explaining how or why they failed, even the people responsible for foiling them.

As a result, I get really tense whenever I have what I recognize as a good idea. Bad ideas are fine. Bad ideas tend to work for me, actually, and so perhaps I should relabel them "batshit ideas." The good ideas, though. They're nothing but trouble.

Why then, you may ask, do I continue to pursue them instead of running into the nearest bar - I-beam or speakeasy? The answer is that the good ideas are such seductively good ideas, ideas which have every reason to work, and with which everybody else becomes similarly enamored when I ask their advice. Never mind that the ideas have a history of being doomed to inexplicable disaster - there's absolutely no reason they should be.

I am entirely convinced that this one is going to blow up in my face, and my evidence, don't you see, is the lack of evidence. It's incontrivertable! And so I vow: only bad ideas from this day forth. Or is that idea too good to succeed?

Comments

[twiggymolly.livejournal.com]

You have piqued my curiosity. What is this 'good" idea you speak of?
Are you a bit hard with yourself when all that hard work goes to pot?
Are you a perfectionist? Or are you immersed in too much knowledge for your own good? Sometimes it is good to leap before you look. To hell with evidence.

Please do tell. Not that you haven't gotten advice and opinions on this matter, I'm sure but I guess I am now selfishly curious.

twiggymolly

[rinue.livejournal.com]

Ahh, just Cargo Theatre stuff. I don't like to talk about it because, well, a lot of what I have to do to get things up and running is to be incredibly confident so as to convince other people to give me things on faith. If I start getting jitters about the central plan for the company, I sort of have to keep them to myself. It's a weird place where I can't find a balance between trusting my own intuition and setting off self-fulfilling prophecies. I'm afraid I also can't tell you my good ideas, which are effectively the company's only assets at the moment. It's a little high-pressure.

Thanks for your interest, though. The most helpful thing is sometimes just knowing that people *want* to help. And, yes, I have to fight against my own perfectionism - for example, I only buy clothes that already have holes in them, because otherwise I'd be terrified of messing them up. It's ridiculous. I have to consciously put flaws into things; otherwise, I'd never finish them.

Anyway, I imagine I'll be writing more about this issue; at the very least, it helps me to blow off steam (and hopefully have a sense of humor about it).

thanks,
Romie

[twiggymolly.livejournal.com]

So I take it you are very much involved in a theatre company? Are you the director or writer or art director or what? Having never worked for a theatre, I do not even know what is involved in the process.

Yes! Having the companys main assets lock up in your brain would be very high pressure! I cannot imagine that!
I think that the fact that you do care and worry and get all worked up in the desire to Do IT Right will mean that in all likelyhood, it will come off smashingly! Things I spend a lot of time nitpicking to death tend to be the best in the end. But it may not be too healthy to be so worried. I myself, own my own business and every time I make a decision, big or small, is a bit stressful. My family's welfare is dependent on it.

So please write more and blow off more steam, as you said.
I understand a bit about the imperfect clothes thingy. If I have a perfect possession, it tends to own me rather than the other way around. Yet I do still have a few priceless treasures. I just do not have them surrounding me. It makes me thing that everything in my house/life/family/work has to be just as perfect.

Well, good luck!

Twiggymolly

[rinue.livejournal.com]

I'm the artistic director, which basically means I'm the CEO, at least the way this particular theatre is set up. I decide what we're going to do, when, where, with who, and for how much, and then I make it happen. (Since it's still a very small company - one that's just starting out - I don't yet have anybody to whom I can delegate any of this.) In some ways, this is frustrating for me - effectively, I was hired because I'm a good *director* and happen to have a good business mind - because I have a good business plan and a great artistic vision, and instead of working on those I have to spend my time trying to find a place we can perform in. This is tough because I have very specific needs, and because, well, Dallas tends to tear down its old interesting buildings and everyone lives in the suburbs. And since I don't like Dallas in the first place, I start thinking: why not look at places in Australia as long as I'm searching? After that, things get increasingly unreasonable, and eventually I'm talking about founding the first theater in space. Crazy.

How did you work up the guts to found your own business, if you don't mind my asking? It can be a tough leap, yet you obviously made it work for you.

cheers,
Romie

[twiggymolly.livejournal.com]

Why not Portland? It is a very liberal town with lots of people interested in the arts.

When it came time to market my jewelry, and start earning a living from it, (instead of just giving it away for free all the time), I was indeed very nervous. It came down to good fortune that I had worked a few years in the jewelry business at the retail end. I fortunatly knew who to market to, and when my business skills were found to be lacking, my clients were actually the ones to offer help. I guess they figured that if I am a trippy artist, I spend all my time creating art instead of going to business school. Also, I read a lot of books from the library on how to have a craft business. Marketing was easy. I just made a sampleline and wrote a letter to every store within 100 miles asking if they would like to see my jewelry. I had a pretty good response for being unheard of. I have changed a lot since then, but I tend to have about 15 clients at any given time. Now my big decision is whether I want to expand, hire people and increase pricing to compensate. I know this is the only way to make the big bucks, as they tell me, but I am very reluctant to have anyone other than me make the product. Quality control. Pride. Whatever. I spent way to much time doing paperwork, maybe an accountant is the way to go.

Good luck with your Theatre! Let us know how things progress.

Twiggymolly