". . . There she is: your ideal. . ."

[rinue]

Belatedly, I realize that I will never be Miss America. I'm pretty - and could be pretty enough if I was willing to put in the amount of work it would take. I'm talented as all hell. I can even be considered to have a "good personality" if I choose to be in the right mood. Unfortunately, there's an interview portion. It would go something like this:

Interviewer: If you could have one wish granted, what would it be?

Romie: Frankly, I'm just waiting for the proletariat to rise up and demand their freedom from the multi-national monopolies that manipulate the myth of the free market and pervert any sense of social responsibility. They are the enemies of Truth.

Interviewer: (strained smile, nervously glancing at the camera) So you would wish for world peace?

Romie: I suppose there could be peace after the revolution.

. . .

Also, I'm married, which apparently means I'm no longer beautiful or a good ambassador and don't deserve a college scholarship even if I put Vaseline on my teeth so my smile doesn't stick.

[Incidentally, the title comes from the rather terrifying song sung at the pageant. The full set of lyrics can be found here.]

Comments

Mrs. America

[swimcoyote.livejournal.com]

I hate to steal some of your thunder, but there actually is a Mrs. America pageant. It's very little known, but I've seen it before.

[and-ham.livejournal.com]

"Interviewer: Haha! What a kidder... Well now, we'll have all the revolution you can stand in the ballroom dancing competition, right after these commercials!

[rhys-k.livejournal.com]

Dude... I would so watch more of those silly little things if there were people like you in them. My God! What a show!

Re: Mrs. America

[rinue.livejournal.com]

But that's the whole thing, isn't it? Less people watch Mrs. America than even Miss USA or Miss Teen America, or any of the other knockoffs. It's kind of pathetic. Don't get me wrong - I'm not dissing the existence of the pageant, or the people in it, but I've seen Miss America in parades and things. I've known a few Miss Texases. Competing for Mrs. America (if I had any desire to compete in pageants, which I don't) would be like going to Olympics that only awarded bronze medals. Or, perhaps, lead metals. Wives are not considered people and women are counseled to take off their wedding rings in job interviews. Believe me: I still have a lot of thunder.

[rinue.livejournal.com]

In the 80s, there was a stand-up comedian (I don't remember her name, although I can picture her) who used to compete for Miss America. I imagine the talent portion was *great*. Actually, the reason I don't watch any more (aside from them eliminating the formal dress bit, which was really the most fun,) is that everybody has such boring talents now. Instead of twirling batons or juggling plates, it's all people singing opera and playing classical piano. If I wanted that . . . well, I guess I'd hang out with my friends, mostly. ;)

love,
Romie