rinue | Morality Plays

A conversation over lunch:

Valancy's Mom: " . . . and it really upsets me, you know? Nelson's such a nice guy, but since he's Jewish he won't go to heaven with the rest of us. Isn't that sad?"

Valancy: "Mom, Romie's Taoist and I'm agnostic."

Valancy's Mom: (putting fingers in ears) "La la la la"

Romie: "Also, Jesus was jewish."

Valancy's Mom: "La la la la"

Okay, so that's not *exactly* how the conversation went, but for all intents and purposes, I think mine is an accurate representation.

In my dealings with people, I have one rule and one rule alone: don't fuck with someone else's religion unless you want to start a war. In my experience, it has brought about the fall of more empires than I can count. (Machiavelli, if you must know, agrees with me.)

Of course, I never actually *follow* this rule, but that's only because most people completely misinterpret their own faith, which makes me sad. I want people to be religious and spiritual and mystical, but this preoccupation with vengeance and the afterlife is just a thin disguize for hatred.

Valancy's mom is the angriest, most bitter person I know. She wants to buy a shotgun and live alone in a small cabin in the woods, making marionettes and explosives. She prefers books to people. She is dreadfully afraid to leave her own house. Moreover, she always sneaks in and steals my stash of chocolate. And pita. And odwalla bars. And hummus. (I should really find a better hiding place, but Val is terrified of roaches and insists that I keep everything in the kitchen in a really obvious place. ::glares at Val::)

I like her very much. She knows incredible amounts of history, art, and archaeology, and in the sixties she used to wear orange lipstick and a black wig.

I have contemplated converting her into one of my diciples, for she does make a mean peach cobbler, but I decided that I shouldn't have to be messianic in my own home. It's too much like working overtime.