As pretty as an airport
Aug. 31st, 2011 02:22 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rinueIt's been a slow week at work (hurricane aside) by virtue of us being almost fully staffed (instead of down a lot of sick and vacationing people) and most civic governments being on summer recess. Which has been helpful in terms of giving me space to get some last-minute foley work done, but has mostly left me with days in which I have whole hours of leisure time.
That's so rare that it's become stressful; I start panicking over whether I'm getting enough relaxation out of that free time (which is still sort of un-free, because I'm still on call and housebound by virtue of it being working hours) and doing the thing I Absolutely Most Want To Do. And I can't really do a few of the indoor things I find most relaxing - practicing Italian, noodling around on the guitar, talking to Ciro - because they make noise and Ciro is sound editing.
(I don't want to grab my guitar and sing in my office, which also sometimes acts as a hallway. Also, in general, although I don't like performing music, I like the idea that someone might overhear and not ever mention, so finding a space where I know I'll be alone or know I'll be interrupted is unsatisfying. That sounds like an odd way to approach music, but if you think about it, it's similar to the way I look at writing or film. I'm not terribly interested in making things for my eyes only, which seems like a waste of time, but I also don't really want to sit with my audience while they read or watch the work and then have a forced conversation about it. I mean, it's one thing if somebody is moved to seek me out and say something, but it's another if they say something because I Have Just Shown Them A Thing and it's socially appropriate. I value lurkers. I really do.)
It's times like this that I pine for Harvest Moon, the game in which I can spend as little or as much time as I like and not run out of tasks or feel any stress or pressure, in which there are no bad guys or interruptions or opportunities to fail. It is a game which gives me just enough to do that I can relax, because I have been tricked into feeling that I am accomplishing something. Thinking about it in this way, I may finally understand the attraction of golf for people who like golf. One of these days, I will have un-earmarked cashflow again and can get myself a Wii (and some perfume; I've finally found the right perfume). Certainly not today, and certainly not tomorrow, but by Christmas. And then I will have Harvest Moon and these dark teatimes of the soul will not come again.
(It is strange to be in a situation where I will leap from no disposable income three months in a row to suddenly having vast amounts of disposable income, but this is the way it is. Not that I won't almost immediately divert that disposable income into student loan payments and savings, but that's mostly a reflection of how I like to dispose of my income (which is why for instance I don't already own the Wii even though I've liked it for years and have often been able to afford it). Not sure when free time comes back, though. Bit of a project backlog. As always. Not enough time in my lifespan to Do All The Things.)
Meanwhile, Dad has suggested I check out some library books about Pancho Villa because I would probably enjoy being obsessed with that for a bit.
That's so rare that it's become stressful; I start panicking over whether I'm getting enough relaxation out of that free time (which is still sort of un-free, because I'm still on call and housebound by virtue of it being working hours) and doing the thing I Absolutely Most Want To Do. And I can't really do a few of the indoor things I find most relaxing - practicing Italian, noodling around on the guitar, talking to Ciro - because they make noise and Ciro is sound editing.
(I don't want to grab my guitar and sing in my office, which also sometimes acts as a hallway. Also, in general, although I don't like performing music, I like the idea that someone might overhear and not ever mention, so finding a space where I know I'll be alone or know I'll be interrupted is unsatisfying. That sounds like an odd way to approach music, but if you think about it, it's similar to the way I look at writing or film. I'm not terribly interested in making things for my eyes only, which seems like a waste of time, but I also don't really want to sit with my audience while they read or watch the work and then have a forced conversation about it. I mean, it's one thing if somebody is moved to seek me out and say something, but it's another if they say something because I Have Just Shown Them A Thing and it's socially appropriate. I value lurkers. I really do.)
It's times like this that I pine for Harvest Moon, the game in which I can spend as little or as much time as I like and not run out of tasks or feel any stress or pressure, in which there are no bad guys or interruptions or opportunities to fail. It is a game which gives me just enough to do that I can relax, because I have been tricked into feeling that I am accomplishing something. Thinking about it in this way, I may finally understand the attraction of golf for people who like golf. One of these days, I will have un-earmarked cashflow again and can get myself a Wii (and some perfume; I've finally found the right perfume). Certainly not today, and certainly not tomorrow, but by Christmas. And then I will have Harvest Moon and these dark teatimes of the soul will not come again.
(It is strange to be in a situation where I will leap from no disposable income three months in a row to suddenly having vast amounts of disposable income, but this is the way it is. Not that I won't almost immediately divert that disposable income into student loan payments and savings, but that's mostly a reflection of how I like to dispose of my income (which is why for instance I don't already own the Wii even though I've liked it for years and have often been able to afford it). Not sure when free time comes back, though. Bit of a project backlog. As always. Not enough time in my lifespan to Do All The Things.)
Meanwhile, Dad has suggested I check out some library books about Pancho Villa because I would probably enjoy being obsessed with that for a bit.
