downside and upside to existentialism

[rinue]

Tired. Melancholy although optimistic. Wish I had time to practice Italian and to write; I'm at least in the clear enough now to be able to think scenes through, although I do this when I can't fall asleep or when I wake up early in the morning and can't go back to sleep. Exhausted. Constant anxiety/overload. Things are in a sense going well, but I don't feel I have any control over it. It's not clear to me at this point what I'm working toward; I just keep my head down and keep going so that eventually I'll get past whatever this is, since that's what one does.