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Same As Always; That Bad
Jul. 25th, 2014 11:07 pmThree people called in sick today. It could be coincidence, but I suspect a lot of it's wear and tear. We've been understaffed for a very long time - for years of time - but it has gotten even worse the last few months; we're all begged to take on as much overtime as we possibly can, ordered to take more money rather than get holidays off, refused opportunities to take our paid leave even if we request it months out unless we can get someone else to work our shifts as overtime. The work we do is hard on bodies, and especially on voices; there were several points in the day when I sounded like I'd gargled gravel. Still, I got desperate calls and e-mails to see if I could take on more programming.
But I also think it's the wear and tear of the news. We're captioners. Lately, all we do all day is recite the names of dead children and the people who hate them.
I don't think I've ever been in such a bad place mentally. Usually, when I'm hopeless, I'm just hopeless for me. That hurts real bad, but even at my most egotistical I don't think I'm the center of the world. This hopelessness is more impersonal, more numb. It's like the Nothing, I guess.
I read a summary of a scientific paper today that said we're in the beginnings of a mass extinction event that is likely unreversable*, and an article that said (although I'm not convinced) that sea levels are going to rise 4 feet before too long because an antarctic ice shelf has been undermined and will soon break off.**
I'm trying to remind myself that either things can be fixed, in which case no need to panic, or that they can't be fixed, in which case I might as well enjoy what's left. Which is, yes, very Zen, and got me through the early stages of the Patriot Act. I also remind myself that I can say with a fair amount of professional certainty that it's very hard to accurately predict the future, especially as concerns either policital regimes or energy policy.
* To put this in context, though, we're probably at a higher biodiversity level right now than has ever existed. So while I'm not saying "yay! A die-off!" it's also the case that where we are now is not regular.
** Again, putting this in context, Ciro and I have several times speculated about what it must have been like when the Mediterranian Sea came into existence. As I understand it, people were living there, and in a span of two years it filled in with water. Obviously, unlike us with our costal cities, Paleolithic people were more nomadic, although were they really?
But I also think it's the wear and tear of the news. We're captioners. Lately, all we do all day is recite the names of dead children and the people who hate them.
I don't think I've ever been in such a bad place mentally. Usually, when I'm hopeless, I'm just hopeless for me. That hurts real bad, but even at my most egotistical I don't think I'm the center of the world. This hopelessness is more impersonal, more numb. It's like the Nothing, I guess.
I read a summary of a scientific paper today that said we're in the beginnings of a mass extinction event that is likely unreversable*, and an article that said (although I'm not convinced) that sea levels are going to rise 4 feet before too long because an antarctic ice shelf has been undermined and will soon break off.**
I'm trying to remind myself that either things can be fixed, in which case no need to panic, or that they can't be fixed, in which case I might as well enjoy what's left. Which is, yes, very Zen, and got me through the early stages of the Patriot Act. I also remind myself that I can say with a fair amount of professional certainty that it's very hard to accurately predict the future, especially as concerns either policital regimes or energy policy.
* To put this in context, though, we're probably at a higher biodiversity level right now than has ever existed. So while I'm not saying "yay! A die-off!" it's also the case that where we are now is not regular.
** Again, putting this in context, Ciro and I have several times speculated about what it must have been like when the Mediterranian Sea came into existence. As I understand it, people were living there, and in a span of two years it filled in with water. Obviously, unlike us with our costal cities, Paleolithic people were more nomadic, although were they really?
