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Stop Trying To Sell Things To Me
Jun. 21st, 2013 12:38 pmI'm not exactly against advertising, although I'm not exactly for it either. Sure, I'm annoyed when somebody tries to convince me I need something I certainly don't; if you try to hard sell me, I will walk out of your store and will usually cause a scene first, and that's at minimum. (Hell no I don't want to order something different than I just told you I want to order, and you're nowhere near a good enough actor to convince me you're trying to help rather than reading from a script.) I have absolutely stopped buying products as soon as advertisements unnecessarily gendered them. (I get that you're marketing a dress to women. I don't need a woman soda, a man soda, a man ice cream sandwich, a candy bar for men, a bottled water for women.)
But I'm not totally against advertising. How am I going to find out about a cool product that genuinely would make my life easier if nobody tells me it exists? I like cool products. I like trying new stuff. I like being reminded of cool old stuff. I like paying other people for coming up with something clever.
Lately, I have been seeing ads for things I already like, and the ads are, shall we say, psuedoscientific. Normally these are not exactly products so much as health practices, like yoga or massage, or culinary, like using fresh herbs. I like some yoga and some massage; there are kinds which make me feel better and there are other kinds that make me sore and angry. With herbs, I'm a fan across the board; I can't think of an herb or class of herb I don't find appealing to eat, and from an aesthetic standpoint I tend to spend longer looking at herb gardens than I do at other types of plants.
So I should theoretically like hearing other people talk about herbs or massage or what have you. But the woo factor. The woo factor is high. Do I believe calling a stretch yoga gives it an automatic spiritual effect? I do not, but some other people clearly do. Do I believe that when I am sore after a badly done "relaxing" massage that pinches my bones, it is a sign that it was actually a great massage that pushed a lot of toxins out of my cells? Even if I accept the premise that my cells are full of toxins (three guesses even though there are only two answers), would I like to have those toxins released to roam my body, or would I rather they stay imprisoned? Do I believe that all herbs are wonderful medicine, and I should eat as many herbs as I can at all times, because they are medicine? Is that how I treat any medicine I take, ever? Do I take infinite doses of aspirin? Do I go through and eat other people's statin pills, because medicine? (If yes, am I a toddler? Signs point to yes.)
Lord, people: stop advertizing your lifestyle to me. I already do many of the same things as you, and you are making them sound gross. I no longer want to eat vegetables or read to my hypothetical children. Enough.
But I'm not totally against advertising. How am I going to find out about a cool product that genuinely would make my life easier if nobody tells me it exists? I like cool products. I like trying new stuff. I like being reminded of cool old stuff. I like paying other people for coming up with something clever.
Lately, I have been seeing ads for things I already like, and the ads are, shall we say, psuedoscientific. Normally these are not exactly products so much as health practices, like yoga or massage, or culinary, like using fresh herbs. I like some yoga and some massage; there are kinds which make me feel better and there are other kinds that make me sore and angry. With herbs, I'm a fan across the board; I can't think of an herb or class of herb I don't find appealing to eat, and from an aesthetic standpoint I tend to spend longer looking at herb gardens than I do at other types of plants.
So I should theoretically like hearing other people talk about herbs or massage or what have you. But the woo factor. The woo factor is high. Do I believe calling a stretch yoga gives it an automatic spiritual effect? I do not, but some other people clearly do. Do I believe that when I am sore after a badly done "relaxing" massage that pinches my bones, it is a sign that it was actually a great massage that pushed a lot of toxins out of my cells? Even if I accept the premise that my cells are full of toxins (three guesses even though there are only two answers), would I like to have those toxins released to roam my body, or would I rather they stay imprisoned? Do I believe that all herbs are wonderful medicine, and I should eat as many herbs as I can at all times, because they are medicine? Is that how I treat any medicine I take, ever? Do I take infinite doses of aspirin? Do I go through and eat other people's statin pills, because medicine? (If yes, am I a toddler? Signs point to yes.)
Lord, people: stop advertizing your lifestyle to me. I already do many of the same things as you, and you are making them sound gross. I no longer want to eat vegetables or read to my hypothetical children. Enough.
