luring me into a passive haze

Something has gone wrong with the shelving at the grocery or the design of Twinings boxes; the last two times Mom has bought black tea, she has come home with decaf accidentally. We are a caffeinated household. This will not stand. She is horrified. The Twinings box looks identical to the caffeinated one, but there is a tiny yellow ribbon beneath the label that says "naturally decaffeinated" in small print.

What.
Are they trying to pull.

Twinings, why are you trying to trick people into buying decaf? The decaf people want to know they're buying decaf. The caffeinated people are offended (we are offended) with the implication that the natural state of tea is decaf. Tea is not naturally decaffeinated. You had to decaffeinate it, probably using a water bath. (I'm just guessing. That's pretty standard.)

You are selling us leftover, drained leaves, hoping we won't notice, then telling us with a shrug that they grew that way.

Who are you selling our caffeine to, Twinings. What did they offer you.

Word of Dating Advice

Realized yesterday that much as I love the romance between Princess Leia and Han Solo, if my friend was dating Han I would have to pull her aside for a talk. That man is bad news. He's a smuggler in debt to a violent crime lord, already the target of multiple drive-by shootings in the short time we've known him. Furthermore, his best friend and housemate reportedly rips off the arms of people who best him in board games; I don't have high hopes that he'll be reasonable if you disagree about how to load the diswasher. It's not a safe situation.

My friend, I would say, even if this man doesn't get you killed or beaten, you are going to find some of your jewelry missing. That's assuming he doesn't crash you into an asteroid while hot-rodding. And he could very well be cheating on you all those times he disappears. He's certainly not eager to talk about his past or his personal life. Bad news. Bad news all over.

I know you are yourself an armed revolutionary and refugee from a country that no longer exists, but that means you need more stability in your life, not less. You deserve better, lady.

Maybe date that Lando guy instead. He's going places.