not a word in English at least

Today has had a pervasive sadness to it, although it's been a very good day for me - a series of pleasant interactions at work, the receipt of a lot of good news, the inexorable working out of things. Almost every day feels like a holiday now - eating excellent food with people I love in beautiful surroundings. It's extraordinary. It's one of the happiest times of my life, and it's strange to be able to observe that as it's happening, particularly since happiness is not a quality I especially associate with myself or strive for.

I don't know why today feels sad although I feel happy; it feels like Christmas during wartime.

I wasn't impressed by Paris, Je T'Aime, but the Margo Martindale/Alexander Payne short "14e Arrondissement" is a small, perfect film which has stuck with me, and which captures this feeling.