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[A few people have asked, so here is an approximation of the sermon I gave at Val's wedding. Bear in mind that I was going from an outline rather than a word-for-word speech, and that this was written to be read aloud, not silently. It owes a certain debt to Malcolm Gladwell, who turned me on to Wegner. His stuff's online. It's pretty cool.]
Since 1987, a University of Virginia (and now Harvard) researcher named Daniel M. Wegner has been developing a theory of transactive memory. He's done a series of experiments in which he asks people to memorize facts, lists, and images, and then measures how well they do. Then he pairs them up, does the same experiment with new lists, and sees how they do in teams.
Teams of people always do better than single people. That's not surprising - two heads are better than one; it's two chances to remember. But married people, people who have lived together a long time, do MUCH better, and do a little worse apart.
Married people are used to storing memory in each other. Where are the keys? What was her name? How is the computer networked?
Are we being stupid when we don't know these things? Are we weaker for no longer being self-sufficient?
No. We know more. We know more together. We can specialize. We can be two places at once. We can free up the space we might have used to keep track of bills, oil changes, grocery lists. We really do make each other better. We are stronger together than apart. We are much more than the sum of ourselves.
Christopher and Sharon have brought us together today to officially recognize that they are no longer just Christopher and Sharon. They are also christopherANDsharon. They are a single organism. Christopher will sometimes make decisions Sharon's desires instead of his own. Sharon will store some of her memories in Christopher's mind. They are one
It is bravery to trust someone to be half of your mind. It is humility to take another's needs and make them your needs. It is grace to love.
Whether it is the will of god or the gift of one human to another human, it is miraculous.
Since 1987, a University of Virginia (and now Harvard) researcher named Daniel M. Wegner has been developing a theory of transactive memory. He's done a series of experiments in which he asks people to memorize facts, lists, and images, and then measures how well they do. Then he pairs them up, does the same experiment with new lists, and sees how they do in teams.
Teams of people always do better than single people. That's not surprising - two heads are better than one; it's two chances to remember. But married people, people who have lived together a long time, do MUCH better, and do a little worse apart.
Married people are used to storing memory in each other. Where are the keys? What was her name? How is the computer networked?
Are we being stupid when we don't know these things? Are we weaker for no longer being self-sufficient?
No. We know more. We know more together. We can specialize. We can be two places at once. We can free up the space we might have used to keep track of bills, oil changes, grocery lists. We really do make each other better. We are stronger together than apart. We are much more than the sum of ourselves.
Christopher and Sharon have brought us together today to officially recognize that they are no longer just Christopher and Sharon. They are also christopherANDsharon. They are a single organism. Christopher will sometimes make decisions Sharon's desires instead of his own. Sharon will store some of her memories in Christopher's mind. They are one
It is bravery to trust someone to be half of your mind. It is humility to take another's needs and make them your needs. It is grace to love.
Whether it is the will of god or the gift of one human to another human, it is miraculous.
