Celebrities and Tennis Champions: I Do Not Believe You

I think I distrust milk because it is so avidly promoted. The "got milk?" commercials, sure - "Aaron Burr!" -but then came the milk mustaches, and the 8oz slim down, and "body by milk," not to mention the old "it does a body good." There has not been a period of my life in America when I have not been blitzed by "drink milk!" ads on television, radio, billboards, and magazines. Other foods show up occasionally - "pork: it exists," or "how 'bout some cheese once in a while?" - but these are short-lived booster shots. Milk is everywhere, all the time, like Coke. More than Coke. I start thinking: if you have to spend this much effort convincing me to drink not even a product, but an entire category of food, there is something sinister going on. IT IS THE COWS AGAIN. I'M ON TO YOU, COWS.

Buy milk, buy any milk, from somebody, somewhere - please, we are desperate.