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At about six o'clock today, I was struck with the sudden thought that hey, this is our first disaster! We're having our first disaster together! How tremendously exciting! I'm with Ciro! And we have disasters together! My life is the best!
Needless to say, I am still tremendously outraged. Yet I must admit I gained a lot over the weekend. I've finally figured out England, or at least enough of England to start with. I've wound up becoming much closer with my flatmates and some friends at school, since the loss gives them an excuse to let their guard down. I know for certain that I want to stay at LFS. I'm more excited than ever about the films I'm working on. I feel on track for the first time since I arrived.
Ciro is stranded in Boston, but he's gotten the chance to see many of the things I wanted to show him in Winchester, and will probably come out of it with a close relationship to my family, who he hadn't met before, and who now like him immensely; Mom is getting all "and you could do this for the wedding, or this, and, oh, while he's here we'll have to take him to [such and such]!" And Dad is very "you know, he could just stay here for the next few years. That would be okay. I'm only thinking of his benefit, of course." He was REL's favorite of my friends to begin with.
Most of all...Ciro has been wonderful throughout the process. Absolutely perfect. He only sees the things he could be doing better, the degree to which he is unhappily off balance and necessarily self-focused. I don't think he could be doing better; as always, he has more grace than I imagined could be found in one person. And he's been kind to me in a time when he could easily be cruel, and be forgiven for it. He hasn't fallen out of love, which a small part of me has worried he would - worried, because we are so amazing together, that the first big disappointment would make him lose interest. Only a small part of me thought this. Only a small part. This is a high price to pay for the loss of that doubt. Yet I can't say it isn't worth it.
Or maybe I'm just feeling cocky because we watched October, by Sergei Eisenstein - a film which begins in I think April. "Wait a second!" my body said, "none of this! I'm only interested in October." And I promptly fell asleep until the exact moment the narrative hit October - a feat all the more impressive since it was a silent film I'd never seen before.
Also, there are now fireworks going off outside my window.
Needless to say, I am still tremendously outraged. Yet I must admit I gained a lot over the weekend. I've finally figured out England, or at least enough of England to start with. I've wound up becoming much closer with my flatmates and some friends at school, since the loss gives them an excuse to let their guard down. I know for certain that I want to stay at LFS. I'm more excited than ever about the films I'm working on. I feel on track for the first time since I arrived.
Ciro is stranded in Boston, but he's gotten the chance to see many of the things I wanted to show him in Winchester, and will probably come out of it with a close relationship to my family, who he hadn't met before, and who now like him immensely; Mom is getting all "and you could do this for the wedding, or this, and, oh, while he's here we'll have to take him to [such and such]!" And Dad is very "you know, he could just stay here for the next few years. That would be okay. I'm only thinking of his benefit, of course." He was REL's favorite of my friends to begin with.
Most of all...Ciro has been wonderful throughout the process. Absolutely perfect. He only sees the things he could be doing better, the degree to which he is unhappily off balance and necessarily self-focused. I don't think he could be doing better; as always, he has more grace than I imagined could be found in one person. And he's been kind to me in a time when he could easily be cruel, and be forgiven for it. He hasn't fallen out of love, which a small part of me has worried he would - worried, because we are so amazing together, that the first big disappointment would make him lose interest. Only a small part of me thought this. Only a small part. This is a high price to pay for the loss of that doubt. Yet I can't say it isn't worth it.
Or maybe I'm just feeling cocky because we watched October, by Sergei Eisenstein - a film which begins in I think April. "Wait a second!" my body said, "none of this! I'm only interested in October." And I promptly fell asleep until the exact moment the narrative hit October - a feat all the more impressive since it was a silent film I'd never seen before.
Also, there are now fireworks going off outside my window.
