Bloodhounds, Drug Use, and Circumlocution

The human immune system is a marvelous thing. Setting aside antibodies, fevers, and the remarkable feat of engineering that is the epidermis, snot alone is pretty neat stuff. Basically, it's water, held together by some proteins that make it gelatinous and sticky, and so it can be created almost instantaneously - just pushed out of the bloodstream through conveniently close-to-the-surface capillaries in the nasal cavities. This is usually helpful as an expedient method for disposing of dust and other lung-funtion-imparing body invaders. Sometimes, however, snot does not work well at all and instead becomes a breeding ground for highly-evolved and intrepid bacteria. These bacteria quickly fill the sinuses, inner ear, throat, and digestive system and generally make life miserable. They also stop you from smelling or tasting anything, even if you're only mildly under the weather.

Unless you're me. If you're me, you get dizzy, (and correspondingly short-tempered,) and develop an acute sense of smell rivaled only by some breeds of English hunting dog. Everything smells to me. Just by breathing, I can perfectly recall everything I've eaten in the past three days -- which has predictably given me a preference for exceptionally bland, (typically Nipponese,) food. I have to wash my hands constantly, and I still smell everything I've touched in the last 24 hours; I can even distinguish the residue of different coins by appraising their metal content and approximate level of tarnish.

All of this is an extended way of saying that I have decided I need to start snorting cocaine so as to save myself from suffering an overabundance of scent. I'm going to get right on that at soon as I'm less surly and disoriented. Definitely.