Isildur's Heir

Often in my life I have been accused of being indecisive, slackerly, and lazy. Frequently the person making these accusations is me, motivated by a certain love of misdirection. For it is true that when I am spurred to action, I act with maximum and sudden force!!!!! [Cue pop-core montage of Romie drawing Katana in many dynamic ways, flying across screen while background flashes primary colors, firing bolts of chi, returning stolen purses to old ladies, etc..]

Thus it is that within a week and a half of thinking, "hm. Moving. There's an idea," tonight I will be sleeping in Sherman, along with my brand new housemates, Thomas and Alice.

Yes, the Thomas, whom I'm suddenly buddies with.

This is even more amusing than you think it is.

Patrick and Alice, (my friend since childhood, Thomas's sister, the other roommate,) dated two years ago. It lasted about a week and a half. That, however, was enough to create this conversation:

Alice: So I hear you're dating Patrick.

Romie: Why do people always say that? I can think of maybe one time we've ever actually gone on a date. On the other hand "sleeping with" doesn't go over too well with his parents. But yes, effectively. Yes. Crazy in love.

Alice: Damn good kisser.

Romie: Jesus yes.

Alice: I mean, damn.

[Moment of silence]

Alice: I have some pictures of him in leather pants.

Romie: Let's go.

[Looking at pictures]

Romie: Wow, he looks disturbingly like Christian Bale in Velvet Goldmine.

Alice: He's never seen these.

Romie: Hey! Didn't that shirt used to be mine?

Omnicient Narrator: Yes.

The back history between Patrick and Thomas is even more complicated. During or shortly after the period of Patrick and Alice coupledom, Patrick and Thomas met exactly once, at a party. Thomas was incredibly drunk, incredibly stoned, and trying very hard to make it with a girl who was equally drunk and stoned. Patrick was near the height of his moral opposition to sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll, (which, yes, really happened. Lunatic.) Furthermore, he was posessed of the dated Richardson-boy maxim "protect the honor of women at all costs."

They loathed each other on sight, with a fierce and firey passion reserved for no other.

It did not help that Thomas and I were still somewhat involved and Patrick felt about me the way Patrick feels about me.

Thinking back on it, I'm a little surprised there wasn't an immediate showdown, John Wayne-style.

What there was was a lot of me listening to
Thomas: God, I hate that guy. How can you be friends with such a self-righteous square?
Patrick: God, I hate that guy. How can you be friends with such a self-centered degenerate?

Eventually this died down to the two avoiding each other, which was easy given the polarity of their relationship to alcohol. That's when Austin College stepped in and decided they'd make good roommates.

I laughed for about a week, and was terribly disappointed when the terrified Patrick managed to slip out of it somehow, despite the fact that Thomas and I were going through another of our periods of not speaking. Or, actually, it may have been Thomas who slipped out of it; I'm not really sure, as we weren't speaking. Or were we?

In any case, virulent hatred.

On Monday, I had this [approximate] conversation with Thomas:

Thomas: Check it out - I got my life together and am no longer an asshole. And although my girlfriend is a suicidal drug addict, she's otherwise cool, and I'm trying to get her to see a shrink. Also, I've missed you terribly. You want to move in?

Romie: Sure.

Thomas: Great.

[Pause]

Thomas: So, how have you been in the past . . . year and a half?

Romie: Pretty good. I'm with this guy, Patrick Dempsey - I think you may have met?

Thomas: I don't think so.

Romie: Really?

Thomas: [shrugs]

Romie: Are you sure?

Thomas: I'm drawing a blank.

Romie: [slaps forehead] Of course! State-dependent memory!

Thomas: Beg pardon?

Romie: Don't worry about it.

In other words, Thomas can't remember having met Patrick, or having hated him for several months, because every time he was exposed to Patrick, either in person or in a conversation, he was dead drunk; in theory, he won't remember Patrick until he is once again dead drunk. It's probable that visual exposure won't help any, because when they met it was dark and Patrick had long hair and a different way of carrying himself.

Too much rock for one hand.

Patrick does not have state-dependent memory. Patrick has insider knowlege of the back history between me and Thomas. Patrick's reaction has been "Yay! Romie's moving to Sherman and will therefore be close to me! Yay!"

He's pretty much my favorite person in the world. In fact, I think he just edged out Max.

This is going to be an amusing year.