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Silent Assasins
Aug. 25th, 2001 01:43 pmI am beginning to suspect that my dojo is not actually training me in Kung Fu, but in Ninjitzu. Take, for example, the black uniforms -- every other art wears white as a matter of pride. Then note the fact that Dr. Harkins spends as much or more time counseling the attackers as the defenders when in a "walk the streets" scenario. Add to this the secret classes unlisted on any roster which one has to be specially invited to. Finally, note the interview that has to take place before one can be accepted into the training program and the contract one must sign to promise at least a year and a half of one's life.
Of course, Ninjitzu is a Japanese art and Kung Fu is Chinese, and the whole black/white uniform rubrick is also Japanese and so it doesn't really apply. And obviously "walk the streets" does one no good unless the attackers are genuinely threatening. And it pretty much goes without saying that Shaolin Five Animal Kung Fu could be subtitled "How to Kill People with Ruthless Efficiency" which is not the sort of thing you'd want to fall into the wrong hands and therefore justifies a high level of discrimination and paranoia.
But that could all be a smokescreen.
Regardless, I find the program highly useful in anticipation of my eventual confrontation with Roshambo, the evil samurai who killed my family. I went searching for him in the wax museum yesterday, even though I knew he was already gone. But The Monk Who Has Visions And Will Be Horribly Disfigured In A Battle With Roshambo Because She Can See His True Self said that he had once been there, just as he has been at the zoo and is currently hiding in an Imax 3D movie, and so I had to investigate and look for clues. I was aided in this (or hindered, depending upon your point of view,) only by The Theif Who Stole My Rice But I Stayed My Hand From Killing Her Because She Reminded Me Of My Dead Sister But Who I Really Should Kill Despite My Sentimentality Because She Continues To Steal My Rice And I Am Running Out.
The Facts:
1. Roshambo killed my family and I am sworn to avenge their deaths.
2. He is followed by a tripartheid cult of warrior monks. One third use the soft school of hand fighting, one third the hard, and the others use bladed weapons.
3. Their colors are purple and yellow.
4. Their battle cry sounds a lot like mooing.
5. Roshambo is a master of disguise, such that I cannot know what he actually looks like.
6. I cannot spend all of my time tracking him, because of the alleigance I owe to The Princess I Serve And Must Protect At All Costs.
Speculations:
1. Roshambo killed my family out of fear of me and my abilities to use the hard school, the soft school, and bladed weapons.
2. Roshambo and his cult of followers are embroiled in an elaborate and complex plot to overthrow all that is good.
3. This plot is too complicated for me to fathom currently.
4. Life would be much easier were it not for the misadventures of My Bumbling Squire Who Is Often Surly And Unhelpful And Is Inevitably Drunk When Roshambo Menaces But Provides Necessary Comic Relief.
Of course, Ninjitzu is a Japanese art and Kung Fu is Chinese, and the whole black/white uniform rubrick is also Japanese and so it doesn't really apply. And obviously "walk the streets" does one no good unless the attackers are genuinely threatening. And it pretty much goes without saying that Shaolin Five Animal Kung Fu could be subtitled "How to Kill People with Ruthless Efficiency" which is not the sort of thing you'd want to fall into the wrong hands and therefore justifies a high level of discrimination and paranoia.
But that could all be a smokescreen.
Regardless, I find the program highly useful in anticipation of my eventual confrontation with Roshambo, the evil samurai who killed my family. I went searching for him in the wax museum yesterday, even though I knew he was already gone. But The Monk Who Has Visions And Will Be Horribly Disfigured In A Battle With Roshambo Because She Can See His True Self said that he had once been there, just as he has been at the zoo and is currently hiding in an Imax 3D movie, and so I had to investigate and look for clues. I was aided in this (or hindered, depending upon your point of view,) only by The Theif Who Stole My Rice But I Stayed My Hand From Killing Her Because She Reminded Me Of My Dead Sister But Who I Really Should Kill Despite My Sentimentality Because She Continues To Steal My Rice And I Am Running Out.
The Facts:
1. Roshambo killed my family and I am sworn to avenge their deaths.
2. He is followed by a tripartheid cult of warrior monks. One third use the soft school of hand fighting, one third the hard, and the others use bladed weapons.
3. Their colors are purple and yellow.
4. Their battle cry sounds a lot like mooing.
5. Roshambo is a master of disguise, such that I cannot know what he actually looks like.
6. I cannot spend all of my time tracking him, because of the alleigance I owe to The Princess I Serve And Must Protect At All Costs.
Speculations:
1. Roshambo killed my family out of fear of me and my abilities to use the hard school, the soft school, and bladed weapons.
2. Roshambo and his cult of followers are embroiled in an elaborate and complex plot to overthrow all that is good.
3. This plot is too complicated for me to fathom currently.
4. Life would be much easier were it not for the misadventures of My Bumbling Squire Who Is Often Surly And Unhelpful And Is Inevitably Drunk When Roshambo Menaces But Provides Necessary Comic Relief.
