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DisParrot (or "Inverse Parenting")
Aug. 12th, 2001 09:32 pmI think that Uncle Rex and Stretch's marriage is going to fall apart, even though it has only existed for a few weeks.
I could be wrong.
Probably not.
They've been fighting steadily since they returned from Montana. It doesn't make life any easier that my cousin Scarlett is in some danger of being put into an assylum due to *severe* anger problems. (Understand that when I say someone is insane, it is not to be taken lightly. I come from a family of crazies -- all of us are certifyable (and most of us have been). So when I'm worried, chances are it's worth it.)
The problem is not one that I see righting itself anytime soon -- or, in fact, ever. What it amounts to is that Uncle Rex is a little kid. (It should be noted at this time that I revere Uncle Rex above almost all else. He is my sensai, my teacher, my third parent. I have learned more from him than from *anyone*, [including how to play the banjo. This I learned today, a fact to which my fingers' rawness attests]. But none of this changes the fact that I'd *never* marry him. He's self-centered, self-defeating, a severe manic depressive, and a mean drunk [although never, ever a violent one].) He is walking wounded.
Stretch, I think, expected this to change when they got married. This was a mistake, and always always is. I don't understand what it is people (usually wives) expect to happen, whether they think some magical fairy will come and fix it all. No. People don't change. Or rather, people *do* change, constantly, but not along the lines you intend for them.
The reason I say Scarlett's insanity makes it worse is that when it comes down to it, Rex will always choose his kids over Stretch. Again, this is not something that will ever change. Nor *should* it. But it makes things difficult for Stretch.
And of course, *she's* high maintenance as well.
I wind up as therapist to them both.
This is a disturbing trend. Not so much for me -- I don't mind, and if I wasn't fairly happy in that role, I could easily leave. I love them, but I don't owe them anything, and I know that it's not my job to repair their lives. But it happens to other people who *can't* handle it, can't deal with mothering their own parents. AND THEY SHOULDN'T NEED TO.
I blame this on the baby boom generation.
Thank God for my parents, who are pretty much ideal when it comes down to it. I'm going to be just like them when I grow up, and I look forward to that.
I could be wrong.
Probably not.
They've been fighting steadily since they returned from Montana. It doesn't make life any easier that my cousin Scarlett is in some danger of being put into an assylum due to *severe* anger problems. (Understand that when I say someone is insane, it is not to be taken lightly. I come from a family of crazies -- all of us are certifyable (and most of us have been). So when I'm worried, chances are it's worth it.)
The problem is not one that I see righting itself anytime soon -- or, in fact, ever. What it amounts to is that Uncle Rex is a little kid. (It should be noted at this time that I revere Uncle Rex above almost all else. He is my sensai, my teacher, my third parent. I have learned more from him than from *anyone*, [including how to play the banjo. This I learned today, a fact to which my fingers' rawness attests]. But none of this changes the fact that I'd *never* marry him. He's self-centered, self-defeating, a severe manic depressive, and a mean drunk [although never, ever a violent one].) He is walking wounded.
Stretch, I think, expected this to change when they got married. This was a mistake, and always always is. I don't understand what it is people (usually wives) expect to happen, whether they think some magical fairy will come and fix it all. No. People don't change. Or rather, people *do* change, constantly, but not along the lines you intend for them.
The reason I say Scarlett's insanity makes it worse is that when it comes down to it, Rex will always choose his kids over Stretch. Again, this is not something that will ever change. Nor *should* it. But it makes things difficult for Stretch.
And of course, *she's* high maintenance as well.
I wind up as therapist to them both.
This is a disturbing trend. Not so much for me -- I don't mind, and if I wasn't fairly happy in that role, I could easily leave. I love them, but I don't owe them anything, and I know that it's not my job to repair their lives. But it happens to other people who *can't* handle it, can't deal with mothering their own parents. AND THEY SHOULDN'T NEED TO.
I blame this on the baby boom generation.
Thank God for my parents, who are pretty much ideal when it comes down to it. I'm going to be just like them when I grow up, and I look forward to that.
