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rinueI've mentioned before, in passing, that I have started doing push ups. I have been saying this to everyone, because I remember hearing that if you stop smoking, you should tell as many people as possible, so that you'll be embarrassed to start again. Today, I did 14 push ups - real push ups, from the feet, chest an inch from the floor in the down position - which sounds impressive unless you know that it took me half an hour, and that in the last of five sets, I could only do one. (In the first, I could only do five.)
However, I am proud that I did any push ups at all, because I have spent my whole life not being able to, and finding them generally terrifying and humiliating. Similarly, it took me until age 20 to be able to touch my toes, and I am still amazed that I can. This is, understand, a terrible time for me to start doing push ups, both because I can't eat properly and because I have to do a lot of cardio (I race walk everywhere, and spend a lot of time running up and down stairs), both of which are death on muscle. But they're cheap and I am tired of not being able to do them, so I am.
I have spent almost all of the past week either in production meetings, or in callbacks full of astonishingly well-prepared actors. It's a little bit like being back in the fanfic community - all these people telling me details of what I've written, why it's great and what the subtext is. Sometimes, I think a large part of it must be flattery and showmanship. At other times, it becomes clear that the effusive actor with all the diagrams and excitement about themes has no idea the writer and I are the same person.
It's gratifying to know that I've created a document people read and reread, obsess over, and use as the basis for backstories coincidentally identical to the ones in my mind. And they invent other substories - Judith's far away, never mentioned brother, who remembers how she used to be; the military man's first experience with killing, which he hid from his family; Eva's favorite foods; the regular customer's reasons for growing a beard; the dreams of the sleepy man. People love these characters enough to take posession of them; my producer obsessively protects Eva+Judith, about which she has passionate and firm ideas.
It kind of blows me away. It also means that if the film is bad, it's my fault as a director, because the material is there. I don't think the film will be bad, though. Too many good and hard-working people care about it. It's nice.
However, I am proud that I did any push ups at all, because I have spent my whole life not being able to, and finding them generally terrifying and humiliating. Similarly, it took me until age 20 to be able to touch my toes, and I am still amazed that I can. This is, understand, a terrible time for me to start doing push ups, both because I can't eat properly and because I have to do a lot of cardio (I race walk everywhere, and spend a lot of time running up and down stairs), both of which are death on muscle. But they're cheap and I am tired of not being able to do them, so I am.
I have spent almost all of the past week either in production meetings, or in callbacks full of astonishingly well-prepared actors. It's a little bit like being back in the fanfic community - all these people telling me details of what I've written, why it's great and what the subtext is. Sometimes, I think a large part of it must be flattery and showmanship. At other times, it becomes clear that the effusive actor with all the diagrams and excitement about themes has no idea the writer and I are the same person.
It's gratifying to know that I've created a document people read and reread, obsess over, and use as the basis for backstories coincidentally identical to the ones in my mind. And they invent other substories - Judith's far away, never mentioned brother, who remembers how she used to be; the military man's first experience with killing, which he hid from his family; Eva's favorite foods; the regular customer's reasons for growing a beard; the dreams of the sleepy man. People love these characters enough to take posession of them; my producer obsessively protects Eva+Judith, about which she has passionate and firm ideas.
It kind of blows me away. It also means that if the film is bad, it's my fault as a director, because the material is there. I don't think the film will be bad, though. Too many good and hard-working people care about it. It's nice.
