The Hollywood Treatment

[rinue]

Today, I am picking up all the stuff I've been storing at Patrick's place, because he decided yesterday after a lot of soul searching (i.e. abruptly and on a whim, by e-mail, after considering what would be most melodramatic and thereby impress his clubbing friends) that it's best I not be part of his life any more because I make him anxious and he is a broken man, etc.. And he's right; it's downright oppresive the way I answer the phone when he calls, come over to his apartment when he invites me, and don't kick him out of my relatives' funerals when he decides he wants to come (and to announce he is there as my representative).

It's fairly embarrassing - sort of an Obi Wan/Darth Vader situation, if instead of joining the Sith, Anakin decided to become a whiny goth teen. In other words, the prequel trilogy. Fairly embarrassing.

--

"I hope you sit on a tack, I said to Paul. I hope the next time you get a double-decker strawberry ice-cream cone the ice cream part falls off the cone part and lands in Australia."
- Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Judith Viorst

Comments

[pinkheadriot.livejournal.com]

If it makes the situation any better I am proud to know you and would never kick you out of my life...:P

[rinue.livejournal.com]

Awww, thanks. :) I'm doing fine, other than the usual "aghast at the stupid." Mostly, it's appalling that he'd put Tom in this situation, not to mention spring it on me last minute. I'm jetlagged and haven't seen my friends in a while, and instead I have to move a bunch of stuff with no warning or time to arrange things and all of my first conversations can't be about film school, or family, or holidays - instead, they have to be "are you aware?" "what on earth happened?" "nothing, actually; it was pure caprice." And then everybody's tense and angry for several hours.

The Pat.

[bluezybunny.livejournal.com]

I imagine you know Patrick better than I, but in the time that I've known him in highschool, whether lounging around cracking foreign jokes in German class, talking about the latest and greatest video game, or galavanting through elaborate deathtraps in Dungeons and Dragons, I've never known him to perform any actions expressly to impress us buddies of his. This isn't to say he wouldn't try to impress us anyway, but there would always be a genuine interest in the subject that was his motivator. Perhaps I've read him the wrong way, perhaps from the perspective of the friend who is being impressed and not from the third person, but I'm not easy to impress and am generally good at reading people, so I hope I can muster at least a little credibility.

If what I understand of Patrick is true, impressing his new goth crowd of friends wasn't on the priority list. I've known him to distance himself from that which is good in his life long before he had any standing with any goth crowd that I'm aware of. Though I couldn't say that he actually did do a great deal of 'soul-searching' to arrive at his conclusion, I do get the impression that the opinions of his new friends are not the catalyst for his behavior. I can sympathize to a degree; what you've done to him (by no fault of your own, mind you) is to have raised his standards in women, and those standards now so high that very few women can even hope to meet his expectations. It seems to me that his decision to cut you out of the picture is, in his mind, the most noble and romantic thing he could do. In other words, yes, dramatic. The goal of which is to hope that he can forget you and finally be able to settle on second best, though I doubt he thought of it in those words.

I realize that we agree on the majority of the post, but I did want to make the important distinction that he's not trying to make friends at your expense, but is instead under the impression that he would have to cut out his own heart, where you happen to be in the center, so that he can grow a new one. I don't know if Patrick is reading this, but regardless, that's not the best solution for anyone (except for some lucky girl who isn't great but is more than ready to snatch up a great guy that doesn't realize he can do better). If he isn't reading this, then hopefully this will at least give you an idea of how to solve this problem of his from a position of empathy or understanding. I'm sure we both know he needs to do a little more soul-searching before cutting a close friend out of his life for his own benefit (especially if he doesn't see it that way).

-Bluezy Bunny

Re: The Pat.

[rinue.livejournal.com]

Bluez, no offense, and I appreciate that you're trying to comfort me (for which thank you), but you're reading him the wrong way (and also the right way). It's not that he thought people would like him better if he didn't know me, it's that this is the best way to keep people's focus and attention on him. I've been pretty nice publically about how he treated me (and other people) when we were together, because I don't see the point of dragging a name through the mud, but I assure you my opinion is not coming out of nowhere; all he cares about is whether people are telling him how great he is - both how noble a victim and how brave a hero - and it doesn't really matter to him whether he's lying (which he does constantly and charmingly) or hurting his friends (who must on no account make demands of him, and must also tell him regularly that he has saved them/opened their eyes).

Ask your sister or Ashley about it some time - he constantly tailored his opinion of whether gay marriage counted depending on what he thought would keep the focus on him, and it's a big part of why I didn't get to hang out with them as often as I wanted to. I don't even want to get in to the number of lies I've had to unravel about Chad, Tom, Ciro, or Patrick's past (all of which cost me significantly when I made wrong judgements based on what I thought was true information), or the many times I've seen him declare something grandly to an attentive room only to walk in to the next room and declare the opposite - which I usually took the fall for, because he's so charming and speaks with such conviction that he must believe what he's saying and be under the control of a master manipulator. In fact he simply has no fixed opinion, and communicates to impress rather than to convey information. I've had to go back and correct various things he told my family I said or thought, and I'm still not sure they believe me.

He's a fairly scary person; it's just not obvious until you see him in a lot of contexts over a very short time period, and until things he's said to other people start floating back to you. I've kind of stayed friends with him out of compassion (and the knowledge that I live in another country); I don't like a lot of fuss, and being amused is more fun than being angry. However, I promise you his flamboyant love for me is love for the idea of having had a great doomed love with somebody that other people admire; he's rarely been interested in knowing what I think or like, as it spoils his grandiose fictionalizations.

In other words, I'm sure you're right and this is hurting him significantly more than me; just don't make the mistake of thinking he doesn't enjoy that and all the excuses it opens up to him. Life with him was exhausting and depressing - even though he is a funny comedian, physically affectionate, and a highly entertaining gaming partner. I get where you're coming from, because it's hard not to like him when he's talking to you, but there's no substance behind it.

-R

Re: The Pat.

[bluezybunny.livejournal.com]

The object wasn't to console you but rather to fix the problem. If my aim were to console you, I would have told you Patrick is a dick and we should burn him at the stake for upsetting you.

It seems, however, that there was more to the problem than I was aware, as I'd expected, and I can see these things of which you speak being within the bounds of his character. I appreciate your elaborating. It also seems to me this decision of his was actually in your best interest afterall. How dare you be so awesome as to overshadow his existence? Let this be a lesson to you.

I tease.

I take it you've already made him aware of this character flaw of his? Being a fellow virgo, I know that I'd want for people to inform me of problems I'm having so that I can correct them. This should be especially true for him if he's concerned with what people think of him.

And incidently, he's a dick who should be burned at the stake for upsetting you. (And my sister!)

-Bluezy Bunny

Re: The Pat.

[rinue.livejournal.com]

I have indeed informed him, although in highly cushioned terms, as part of the general write off. And, yeah, this is a lot more fun for me than being friends, it's just, well, it's lame when people act like idiots, whether you like them or not. Also, I want to make sure I'm clear that your first comment was astute in a lot of ways that really helped me clear my thoughts. Thank you.

This comment made both Ciro and me laugh a lot, particularly the ending, which is very "and stole my bible!" Next time I set out to form a pirate crew, you're one of the first on the list.

[narcolepticcat.livejournal.com]

oi.

Re: The Pat.

[bluezybunny.livejournal.com]

Yar!

-Bluezy Bunny

[rinue.livejournal.com]

There's been a lot of eye-rolling around these parts, as you might imagine.

[treehavn.livejournal.com]

Huh. You have the power to make him anxious when you spend the majority of the year in another country, separated by thousands of miles and several time zones? Wow, that's impressive, I mean I knew you were evil but...

Sucks. You called it, but to have it happen still sucks. Still, I note he has removed (or locked) the post regarding having women chewing on him, which I hope might have something to do with your disagreement, and for that I thank you.

[rinue.livejournal.com]

Ah, well, you see, I have god-like powers and can see in to his brain. The relief to me now that he's wearing a tinfoil hat? I can't even tell you.

And, yeah, I think it might be a few months before I can eat chewing gum without being mildly disturbed.