somewhere in rainbows

[rinue]

The new Radiohead album came out today, although I have not been able to get a copy due to web traffic and not preordering. I know everyone is excited about the way they're releasing this and thinks it's brilliant and the new way of doing things, but it makes me sad to not be able to buy an album (unless I get an entire hooplah for $80). Magpie nature - I like a shining object I can hold in my hands and treasure. I don't feel this way about writing, film, or photos - I can read those on a screen. But music is more personal, somehow. I don't view it the way I view most information. I want to live with it physically. I get a thrill from CDs or records; they're like religious fetishes. I can spend hours in a record store, even a monolith, even when I can't afford anything - especially when I can't afford anything. I don't even like to order through Amazon, although I do. I've never wanted an mp3 player, even though I understand what it means to have music with you. I don't even like to keep CDs in wallets or sleeves - the jewel case matters to me, the ritual of open and close.

I'm kind of glad I couldn't get it today, although if I'm offered a copy I won't have the willpower to turn it down. I do want it. Badly. But it will hurt a little not to hear it with Ciro, sitting in bed in the dark. It was listening to The Eraser it first occured to him we could be a couple, and before he could finish thinking the question of whether he wanted it answered yes. We still haven't managed to fulfill the promise of that moment, but we have loved each other deeply while we've waited.