I'm in the wrong profession.
Oct. 10th, 2001 06:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rinueThe stopper shot into the bottle with a dull thud of equalizing pressure; red wine flumed up in a liquid firework, showering me and the kitchen with drops of plum purple.
"Brava," applauded Ailei as I poured through a napkin to strain for cork fragments.
I have a peculiar knack for opening things. Doors without knobs, locked windows, chinese puzzle boxes, CD cases with anoying anti-theft devices, hopelessly knotted tennis shoes -- if it can be done through cunning instead of strength, I'm usually the person to ask. I've had dreams about shelling walnuts one-handed by applying pressure in just the right crevase.
The only time I've found this ability comes in particularly handy is when I'm stuck without a corkscrew or a bottle opener. I can't count the number of times I've opened a beer with my keys, or a countertop, or a nearby railing. I won the eternal admiration of my father when our kitchen was being remodled and I opened the zinfandel with a gluestick after his failures with the electric drill.
It's quite a shame this sort of functional knowledge is not useful when filling out applications. Consider:
Skills: getting to alcohol. Romanticizing the banal. Surviving for weeks on loose change and a toothbrush. Navigating a large crowd wihout losing a tail. Conning my way into closed circles. Discovering hidden motivations. Unnerving bullies.
I find this whole thing quite frustrating. Yes, I can get an 'A' in Physics, but that's not what I'm proud of; it's meaningless. I can win at 3 card monte -- why doesn't that count for anything?
This world has screwed up values.
"Brava," applauded Ailei as I poured through a napkin to strain for cork fragments.
I have a peculiar knack for opening things. Doors without knobs, locked windows, chinese puzzle boxes, CD cases with anoying anti-theft devices, hopelessly knotted tennis shoes -- if it can be done through cunning instead of strength, I'm usually the person to ask. I've had dreams about shelling walnuts one-handed by applying pressure in just the right crevase.
The only time I've found this ability comes in particularly handy is when I'm stuck without a corkscrew or a bottle opener. I can't count the number of times I've opened a beer with my keys, or a countertop, or a nearby railing. I won the eternal admiration of my father when our kitchen was being remodled and I opened the zinfandel with a gluestick after his failures with the electric drill.
It's quite a shame this sort of functional knowledge is not useful when filling out applications. Consider:
Skills: getting to alcohol. Romanticizing the banal. Surviving for weeks on loose change and a toothbrush. Navigating a large crowd wihout losing a tail. Conning my way into closed circles. Discovering hidden motivations. Unnerving bullies.
I find this whole thing quite frustrating. Yes, I can get an 'A' in Physics, but that's not what I'm proud of; it's meaningless. I can win at 3 card monte -- why doesn't that count for anything?
This world has screwed up values.
