rinue | you do it to yourself, you do

As a writer, I find I have two basic states:

1. My writing is brilliant, I enjoy reading it, and I wish there were more of it; however, I have no desire to write, and every sentence is like pulling teeth.

2. Everything I have written is embarassingly terrible, and anything new I write will be even more terrible, yet I have an overwhelming desire to write pages and pages and pages which it would be better not to inflict on people, and this is a disease.

I am currently firmly in (2). I want to write about my flat; I want to write the entire history of my relationship with Ciro; I want to discuss what I wear every day and how the kebab shop is laid out. Most of all, I want to write fiction, any fiction, it's been forever since I've written fiction, yet there is no fiction that I want to write and what I probably really want is to roleplay, or perhaps to be fannish, yet I am not in a roleplaying group or interested in working a fandom. I am the worst writer ever.