Y'know, when I was writing this post, I figured that if anybody was going to really, on a deep level, understand what I was talking about, it was going to be you.
((blush)) Well, jeez....that's the nicest compliment I've had in....quite a while. Thank you.
These differences are most apparent when I meet new people or when I do something that I think of as ordinary but which I am then told is odd. People who are used to having me around don't react to my behaviors in that way because they've adapted to them.
Ya know, that makes sense. I am reclusive and don't go out that much, so I bash away at my poor LJ all the time. I think people can become accustomed to just about anything -- which is both a necessity to just get along in life, and also a curse, dulled vision &c. But I hadn't thought of it in a social setting like that. (It's like growing up with my parents. People meet them and get starry-eyed about how my parents are so Exotic! and Artistic! and Bohemian! and Free-spirited! and I look at them in annoyance thinking, They're just my parents....)
I start thinking that I'm banal and that I don't have anything interesting to write about - that everyone has already thought my ideas on their own.
YOU banal? ((choke)) Yyyyyyyyyeah, pull the other one, it's got bells on. (And nearly every time I sit down to write I have the oh-my-god-it's-all-been-said-before willies, so who says that self-perception is accurate? As one friend of mine said, defiantly, "It might have been said by someone else before, but I've never said it before." I love that idea that there are only three plots or twelve plots or twenty plots or whatever the number. Because it's true -- lots of books and movies &c tell the same story, but it differs with the teller. There is nothing new under the sun, but that's liberating.) ((throttles tangent before it can eat post))
But, yeah, I really should write more often. Get back into the habit, and so forth.
Yes! that would be lovely.
A lot of the things that I'm open about are the things about which I'm most traditionally defensive - it's kind of like saying "here, here is the thing I'm afraid you'll make fun of, and because I said it first and said it in a funny way, you can use it."
Ooooooh, that's a good point. I hid my depression for a long time, so when I finally "came out" about it (ha) I was almost aggressive -- "This is me, this is part of me, and if you are offended/scared/whatever by it, tough shit." It is, in my own small way, a Political Gesture. And, contrary to the old slogan, that means on some level it's not personal -- I mean, it's not a gesture of intimacy, exactly, in the sense that intimacy is something you offer to just a few people after you've known them a while and trust has grown up, or whatever.
There's no reason to assume when I meet someone that they're going to ask whether I'm employed, or that they'll disapprove if I'm not.
Aha, now that I get -- I automatically project my own disapproval (and it's huge) of myself (not writing, unemployed, blah blah) of myself onto other people, so I assume they're all walking around thinking about me the same way I do -- when in fact they're all most probably too wrapped up in their own warped projecting of their self-disapproval onto me and it's a wonder we don't bang into walls walking around at that rate. It's especially huge when I talk to my parents on the phone -- the slightest question, like "How's the job search?" or "Are you writing?" sets me off, because I hear so much in it. (Well, I think "Are you writing?" is a pretty horrible question to ask a writer, but most people do it out of politeness and don't understand what it stirs up, so I'll give that one a pass.)
I haven't responded to most of it just because I already think it says everything that needs to be said. You're awesome.
((BLUSH)) Well. I was obviously wrong about the best compliment! Needless to say, I think you're damned awesome as well, and would really love to see you more on LJ.
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branchandroot
Re: CONT
Date: 2004-07-12 02:39 am (UTC)((blush)) Well, jeez....that's the nicest compliment I've had in....quite a while. Thank you.
These differences are most apparent when I meet new people or when I do something that I think of as ordinary but which I am then told is odd. People who are used to having me around don't react to my behaviors in that way because they've adapted to them.
Ya know, that makes sense. I am reclusive and don't go out that much, so I bash away at my poor LJ all the time. I think people can become accustomed to just about anything -- which is both a necessity to just get along in life, and also a curse, dulled vision &c. But I hadn't thought of it in a social setting like that. (It's like growing up with my parents. People meet them and get starry-eyed about how my parents are so Exotic! and Artistic! and Bohemian! and Free-spirited! and I look at them in annoyance thinking, They're just my parents....)
I start thinking that I'm banal and that I don't have anything interesting to write about - that everyone has already thought my ideas on their own.
YOU banal? ((choke)) Yyyyyyyyyeah, pull the other one, it's got bells on. (And nearly every time I sit down to write I have the oh-my-god-it's-all-been-said-before willies, so who says that self-perception is accurate? As one friend of mine said, defiantly, "It might have been said by someone else before, but I've never said it before." I love that idea that there are only three plots or twelve plots or twenty plots or whatever the number. Because it's true -- lots of books and movies &c tell the same story, but it differs with the teller. There is nothing new under the sun, but that's liberating.) ((throttles tangent before it can eat post))
But, yeah, I really should write more often. Get back into the habit, and so forth.
Yes! that would be lovely.
A lot of the things that I'm open about are the things about which I'm most traditionally defensive - it's kind of like saying "here, here is the thing I'm afraid you'll make fun of, and because I said it first and said it in a funny way, you can use it."
Ooooooh, that's a good point. I hid my depression for a long time, so when I finally "came out" about it (ha) I was almost aggressive -- "This is me, this is part of me, and if you are offended/scared/whatever by it, tough shit." It is, in my own small way, a Political Gesture. And, contrary to the old slogan, that means on some level it's not personal -- I mean, it's not a gesture of intimacy, exactly, in the sense that intimacy is something you offer to just a few people after you've known them a while and trust has grown up, or whatever.
There's no reason to assume when I meet someone that they're going to ask whether I'm employed, or that they'll disapprove if I'm not.
Aha, now that I get -- I automatically project my own disapproval (and it's huge) of myself (not writing, unemployed, blah blah) of myself onto other people, so I assume they're all walking around thinking about me the same way I do -- when in fact they're all most probably too wrapped up in their own warped projecting of their self-disapproval onto me and it's a wonder we don't bang into walls walking around at that rate. It's especially huge when I talk to my parents on the phone -- the slightest question, like "How's the job search?" or "Are you writing?" sets me off, because I hear so much in it. (Well, I think "Are you writing?" is a pretty horrible question to ask a writer, but most people do it out of politeness and don't understand what it stirs up, so I'll give that one a pass.)
I haven't responded to most of it just because I already think it says everything that needs to be said. You're awesome.
((BLUSH)) Well. I was obviously wrong about the best compliment! Needless to say, I think you're damned awesome as well, and would really love to see you more on LJ.
love,
Romie
right back atcha, kiddo ((blows kiss)).